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Inlaws hate me, husband allows it

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This topic contains 28 replies, has 17 voices, and was last updated by  Bev 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 30 total)
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  • #102140

    anita
    Participant

    Dear hantal:

    Your situation is sad. I can see why you are in such despair. You asked for anything to make you feel better. I can only offer to you what is or can be the truth and reality of the situation. And it is not a good situation.

    Since you pleaded with your husband to help you with this and he did not help you, I wouldn’t ask or plead with him anymore: what is the use of that?

    I would focus on my relationship with the two grandchildren whom you love so dearly. Concentrate on them, make it a good relationship for you and for them. Have their well being as your highest priority.

    About your husband’s adult daughters: do nothing at all for them. Don’t cook for them, serve them, clean for them.. nothing. Do not try any longer to make them like you or change their attitude about you.

    Focus on the two grandchildren and yourself. And please post again with your struggles and hopefully, improvements

    anita

    #102142

    Heidi
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. Yes the grandchildren are my number one priority. They are the only reason I haven’t just walked away. I’ve decided to have absolutely nothing else to do with his kids. Luckily two of them live out of state. Thank you again for your kind words.

    #102144

    anita
    Participant

    Dear hantal:

    You are welcome. Anytime!
    anita

    #102270

    Heidi
    Participant

    Well good news. My husband has FINALLY confronted 2 of his children so far. I am so happy and proud of him. I just hope this is not a one time thing. Thank you for listening.

    #102275

    anita
    Participant

    Dear hantal:

    Congratulations! This is unexpected for me: I got the impression he never did and never will! Well, here “Never say never” does apply. Please do post again.

    anita

    #118715

    Kylie
    Participant

    My husband’s family….nightmare. The first thing his mother ever said when she met me was that I was heavy with fat thighs, and that she didn’t approve of how I wear jeans and a tshirt most of the time. Also, my hair is a mess. Yet she copped an attitude when I didn’t go out of my way to hang out with her. Why would I? This was 2002. Flash forward a dozen years, and both of my husband’s siblings have disowned her. She sent her dog here to be cared for (I am an animal lover, involved in rescue, she knows I will put aside my feelings for her in that instance). The poor thing was emaciated, had been ill and force fed for six months and never taken to the vet so I came to find out. MIL was off for a tropical cruise and I’m now caring for her sweet dog who I wind up at the vet with, and she is is in full-on end stage kidney failure. Long story short, the kindest thing to do was let the dog go peacefully but the vet needed her permission, and she claimed she couldn’t call while on ship. Well, we let the sweet girl go, at that point, it’s cruel not to, and a text to this evil woman that it had been done and voila! She somehow manages to call. She got a piece of my mind that ended with my telling her she is DEAD TO ME and I hung up. Hub felt the same but within 24 hours he was back kissing her behind like nothing because “she is my mother” he said.

    He has allowed her, for years, to both treat me as though I don’t exist, and treat me like I’m a plague on her life. She has gone so far as to conveniently arrange for her friends’ single daughters to visit when he visits – and I don’t go obviously. He says nothing.

    We have needed financial help from time to time – I have asked my mom every time. He says his mom doesn’t have it. No, he just won’t ask her. He calls her every Thursday on his way home from work, and NEVER talks to her in front of me. Swears he has asked her for help but not in front of me and he gets ugly when I say that.

    If he allows his family to disrespect me, then he is disrespecting me. He doesn’t see this. He doesn’t see that he has, over time, destroyed this marriage. It’s a joke, a farce, paper only. And the reason I can’t leave is because I have severe health issues that prevent me working full time to support myself and my kids.

    I live in a daily nightmare.

    #118716

    Kylie
    Participant

    I should add he took his wedding ring off and put it in a box in the vanity. Weeks now..

    #118727

    anita
    Participant

    Dear kylie:

    You wrote that you have severe health issues that prevent you working and supporting your children. You mean, otherwise, you would be getting a divorce, correct?

    If you got a divorce, wouldn’t he be required to support his/your kids (child support) and you (spousal support)?

    anita

    #118877

    Kylie
    Participant

    Yes, I don’t want to be trapped here forever.. He would likely have to pay alimony. Don’t know that it would be enoug, depends on what the percentage of his pay would be I think. I work part time, and if I could get my health to the point where I could increase that to full time it would help. Problem is, I have flare ups that can be debilitating. The mortgage is in his name but the deed to the house is in both, although I would rather move if we split. I have no family even in this state.

    #118878

    anita
    Participant

    Dear kylie:

    Re-reading your earlier post here, it seems like your husband took the role of “the good son” while his two siblings cut contact with their mother. So his loyalty is to his mother, showing her that, unlike his siblings, he is a …good boy. And so, he allows her to mistreat you. Am I correct?

    Is she, your mother-in-law allowed in your home? Is it possible for you to not see her or talk to her at all?

    anita

    #118887

    manbuddha
    Participant

    This is sad. I will be praying for you all that your situation changes soon.
    It’s quite disappointing to see that several women have this same issue.

    #119784

    Tracy
    Participant

    My husband parents does not like me. They keep tell my husband he just needs to divorce me and find someone else. We have been married for 3 years and have a child. His parents don’t even come down to see their grandchild. I am at my wits I don’t know what else to do. They dont even like my side of the family. And they are always talk bad about me. Like I’m not good enough for him. They say he need to divorce me and find someone else. And he never backs me up on things. I just need help

    #119803

    anita
    Participant

    * Dear tracywooden12: a sad situation. I wish your husband backed you up, took your side, not his parents.
    What are his parents’ complaints against you?
    anita

    #137829

    Bev
    Participant

    I am in a similar situation, married for 28 years but mine is much more complex than the stories read here. We went for many counselling sessions….too many to mention and that still did not resolve anything.  I do not know my husband, his deceit and what his upbringing was like because I was always cut short when asked about his life before marriage.  His behaviour  is so far fetched than he cannot differentiate between normal and abnormal behaviour.  He flirts with women all the time and thinks nothing wrong of it.  I have cut all ties with his side of the family and feel so much lighter in my heart.  I have taken my focus off him husband and involved myself with church ministry which is more fulfilling to me.  My husband does not understand boundaries and I assume the same applies to your relationship

    #149773

    Sheen
    Participant

    I happened to chance upon your post when I was looking for some answers of my own and no guesses what those were. When I read your post I felt I had written every word of it. I have been married almost twelve years now and I am facing this everyday.

    To the point that my husband loves his nephews and niece more than our son.

    And recently when I put my foot down and refused to continue getting pushed about and let his family continue being disrespectful to me the man I loved and respected (in spite of that facet that he never respected me back) he suddenly changed to someone I do not recognize.

    He even told me that I should leave him and walk out of his life if his family makes me so unhappy.

    I just don’t know what to do. I love him and cannot envision my life without him but looks like me and my son do not matter to him at all.

     

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