Please excuse my bad grammar.

I really don’t know where to start because I’m kinda confused right now so guess I’ll try starting at the beginning. So a few weeks ago I received a friend request on fb from a guy I’ve known all my life yet never exchanged a word with each other so I was a bit surprised and was even more surprised when he asked for my number. After giving him my number he sent a message saying that he liked me for a while but didn’t get a chance to say it. Well I was shocked. He asked if I would give him a chance I told him I don’t know but it seemed he expected an answer immediately. He asked again a while after and I told him I don’t think I would give him a chance, he said we can be friends then but I knew immediately he wasn’t gonna stop trying. I was at my sister at the time and he kept asking when I’m coming home or when can he see me. He still wanted to know if I can give him a chance and this time I was wondering if I should just give him a chance because not a lot of guys show interest in me anyway. Ok so we didn’t communicate for a few days then I went home, still didn’t know what to think. I saw him the next week when I was on my way back from doing my hair we talked for a few minutes and he asked if he can see me at my home later that day. I didn’t want to seem stuck up so I said yes. We texted and agreed on what time to meet. Ok so what I was expecting on our meeting was just conversations and probably my first kiss (I’m 23 BTW). We met after 8 PM. I could smell alcohol on his breath. After a brief conversion he asked about a bf. I told him i didn’t have one but whether I did or not wouldn’t matter to him his next question was if I’ve had sex before I said no then he went on to ask if I’d let him have sex with me, I said I don’t know. He came on to me and started hugging me and touching me I was a bit uncomfortable and was in shock then I tried to pull away when I realized what was going on he didn’t want to stop even though I said no so many times. He kept touching me all over in places I’ve never allowed anyone to touch me before and he let me do the same to him. I didn’t really want to do it but I didn’t want to seem stuck up and since he’s close friends with my brothers and both our dads are close friends I just assumed he would never try to hurt me but he tried to get me to have sex with him for my first time right there in the open and when I wasn’t even prepared. I heard a relative calling me. Finally a good excuse for me to leave. I finally pulled away for good and while I was leaving he told me not to let the relative know that he was the one there.

The next day he sent a message thanking me for the night before. I just replied with “ok” but at the time I was thinking that what happened was sexual assault. Then the next day he sent a text saying he’s sorry and I told him that I thought it was wrong of him. He said “ok then” and asked if I think we should stop seeing each other I told him it would probably be best. He didn’t get it he wanted to see me again the next so I made excuses to not see him and I went back to my sister’s place. He kept asking when I’m coming back home. I was so annoyed by this he knew I was annoyed and he removed me from fb then said it was by mistake and sent the friend request again. I never believed him.  He beg me to let him come see me at my sister’s place so I said yes I knew he wanted to have sex so I agreed to do it since I didn’t want him to try forcing himself onto me again.

So the next day he came there and like less than 15 minutes after we were having sex. He didn’t do much to get me in the mood, he didn’t even kiss me. After we were done he asked if I enjoyed it. I said it was ok but painful. He was on his phone watching videos for most of the time after that. We agreed to do it again but didn’t bother since I was bleeding. Well I wanted him to leave before my sister came back from work but it didn’t work out that way. She saw him there and didn’t talk to me for almost two days and I felt depressed even though she said she was over it.

I was thinking about the situation for days and was worried about the fact that I could become pregnant, contract an STD, ruined my relationship with my sister and because I may have lost my virginity to a guy that probably just want to use me for sex. Anyway, he’s still asking when I’m coming home and sometimes he come off as a bit controlling and demanding in receiving answers from me. I know everything might be my fault and I’ve always seen myself as a weak person. Maybe he did too and saw me as someone he could easily manipulate. I’m a bit confused right now so help me please.

I’m sorry if my rant is difficult to understand.