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Is it necessary to be liked/validated by everyone around you?

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  • October 1, 2018 at 12:08 pm #228471
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    Is it like a social norm to be liked/smiled/spoken to everyone around you; everyone as in when you join a new group or have seldom got to exchange just a hi? I understand this may not be like a necessity and we cannot match wavelengths with all beings but what should I do in such a situation? I feel intimidated and conscious when such situations arise and I feel like I begin to belittle myself for not being liked.

    Current situation: I recently joined a dance group and this girl and myself are new to this group, been about 4 weeks and I feel like there is no exchange of even a hi when initiated from my end and only the girls who have been in the group are interacted with it is quite evident, this makes me awkward, is this something with me?

    October 1, 2018 at 12:09 pm #228473
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    And to add everyone else in this group does talk to me!!

    October 2, 2018 at 9:22 am #228609
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Neha:

    “Is it necessary to be liked/ validated by everyone around you?”- no. It is not possible to be liked or validated by everyone. No  one is liked by everyone.

    But we all want to be liked, this is natural. I like to be liked, even by people I don’t like! As a matter of fact, if someone likes me, I automatically like them the moment I feel he or she likes me.

    You wrote that everyone in the dance group talks to you except one newcomer to the group, she doesn’t say hi to you when you say hi to her, if I understood correctly. Question: does she talk to other people in the group?

    anita

    October 2, 2018 at 10:02 am #228635
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes that is correct she doesn’t respond to when I say hi and yes she does talk to other people in the group.

    October 2, 2018 at 10:35 am #228641
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Neha:

    You wrote: “this (her not saying hi in return) makes me awkward, is this something with me?”- no, it is not abnormal or unnatural to feel awkward when you say hi to someone and they don’t say hi in return, or otherwise say something friendly, acknowledging that they heard you say hi.

    And is not something about you that is the reason she doesn’t respond to your hi- she doesn’t respond to anyone in the group, so it is not personal.

    To not feel awkward in the future, don’t say hi to her anymore. If you want to inquire further, maybe you can, in a moment when you have the opportunity, say to her: I said hi to you several times but you don’t say hi in return. Why is that?

    See if she answers you. I wonder myself about her reason. If you find out, I hope you share it here.

    anita

    October 2, 2018 at 10:40 am #228645
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    Thank you Anita, will do that will stop saying hi to her and if I get a moment will ask.

    And I meant to mention again she responds to the other people in the group who have been there from before, myself and her are new and this was the reason my mind raised this question about why she may not be responding to just me 🙁

    October 2, 2018 at 10:44 am #228649
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Neha:

    Oh, she does respond to others in the group who were there before you. Maybe she is into those social clicks, that is, she feels comfortable with the old group and doesn’t want anyone new into the group. Do you think this is the case?

    anita

    October 2, 2018 at 10:51 am #228651
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    Yes I agree on that, it appears she wants to bond with the old group but not with someone new as her, I don’t know why one would do that the least when we think off social norms.

    October 2, 2018 at 11:36 am #228659
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Neha:

    I am not clear about the dynamics in your dance group to speculate further about your specific situation. In general, some people feel comfortable in a certain group and don’t want new people coming into it, fearing changes happening in the group, fearing a new person will take away attention from them.

    I wish people were kind to others, welcoming, not rejecting. How better the world would be if that was the case.

    anita

    October 2, 2018 at 11:50 am #228665
    thirst_of_validation
    Participant

    thank you Anita for helping clear my mind with that question if it was something with me but your thoughts have helped them answer to a great extent..

    October 2, 2018 at 12:39 pm #228667
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Neha:

    You are welcome. If you need more of my input regarding this situation, you are welcome to explain it to me more clearly, including the older members of the groups’ attitudes toward you and toward the other girl who arrived at the group at about the same time you did. I will be back to the computer in about fifteen hours.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    anita

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