fbpx
Menu

Is there an easy way to forget?

Home→Forums→Relationships→Is there an easy way to forget?

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • November 7, 2013 at 2:35 pm #44965
    Csaba
    Participant

    The story I’m going to tell happened to me two days ago and for some reason it is different then my past situations that were like this.

    I’m 19 currently. Throughout my whole life I never wanted one night adventures or relationships that I know would not last. I’ve always been serious about this, I wanted to keep my love for the person that truly deserves it. Because of this I’m always cautious when it comes to asking out people. I’ve had 2 girlfriends as of yet, both of them were people who exploited my love towards their purposes, these realitonships didn’t last long because I ended them before they became too harmful. These relationships left me with much pain, since I loved them really much. Or I thought so untill 2 months ago.

    I lived in a small town. Everybody knew everybody. Now I moved to our countrys capital for university. Life has changed a lot in the past 3 months for me because of this. On the day of the school convocation I met this really cute girl who I thought is just beautifull. After the convocation it turned out she lives like 10 minutes from me and since then we go home from school together when we can (this school is really small, there are only liek 200 people here maximum so most of the people know eachother).

    I got to know her more and more every day. Since that I fell in love with her. And I mean this is different than the previous “loves” or lusts as I should call them. I’m always happy when I’m with her, we have such same views about everything it is almost impossible, I’m always interested in what she has to say, I can always make her laugh, and she is beautiful on the outside and inside too. It’s like I found the person I was looking for for my whole life.

    So why am I here writing this instead of talking to her? The answer is easy. Two days ago I took the courage to ask her out. She said yes, and I was happier than ever. After getting home we started talking on facebook and she asked me that “Is this supposed to be a date?” I answered yes. And she said to me that she does not want to hurt me but he does not want to come on a date with me. We settled this the next day like grown ups, and all is the same ever since. We are friends, really good friends.

    Now I know that rejection is normal. It happened to me several times before. But for some reason this one is different. I cant forget her and this hurts so much. Knowing that somebody like her exists and she can’t be mine and I cant love her drives me insane. We talk almost every day. When I’m with her I’m happier than ever, and when she is gone, all these thought come to my mind about me not being able to be the one that loves her, and gives her everything.

    What should I do? How should I make myself only think of her as a friend? Please help me, this is driving me insane. I guess this is the first time I ever feel true love. This is not the way it is supposed to be. Have something like this happened to you? How would you cope with this?

    Also if you read it this far, thank you, this means the world to me.

    November 7, 2013 at 5:05 pm #44981
    Lindsay
    Participant

    The only real problem I see here is one sentence toward the end: “This is not the way it is supposed to be.” How do you know this?? How do you know what is supposed to be?? Unrequited love has been written about in most songs, most poetry. It fuels a large proportion of art. We all experience it. And it is much more deep than just rejection, which we also all experience.

    Right now, you are only 19 years old and it sounds like you have lived a fairly sheltered life (first a small town, then a teeny school, etc). I’m not saying your feelings aren’t genuine. I have no doubt that they are! But you don’t know what the future holds. Right now, you don’t know what this situation is going to teach you that you can grow and learn from. What insight you will gain into yourself because of this agonizing situation (yes, I know it is!). You have a lot of people to meet in your life and you have a lot of places to see and live and visit. There are a lot of experiences that you haven’t probably thought of yet that are on your horizon.

    What I mean by all of this is that you don’t know what is supposed to be. It’s okay to hurt and be giddy and excited and heartbroken. It’s okay to pine for a little while. It’s okay to eventually decide that you need to walk away from the situation. The situation isn’t supposed to be any other way than what it is. But thinking that the situation is “supposed to be” a different way is simply false, first of all, and that mindset is going to absolutely torture you.

    Beyond that, I can’t be much help. Other than to accept the range of emotions you are feeling and to take care of yourself. Don’t lose sight of yourself and your worth. No one is worth that much (and heck, it never works anyway). Good luck.

    November 8, 2013 at 3:38 am #45005
    Karin
    Participant

    Hi Csaba,

    so sorry to hear about this. I think you are very brave to ask her out and I also think it’s very brave of your friend to say what she really feels. It’s really cool that you guys are still such good friends. I think Lindsay is right, you will have to accept what has happened. Accept your feelings, just let them be.

    Maybe what will help you is gratitude. It’s very powerful and it is a way of accepting the moment as it is. Think of the things you can be grateful for and stop focusing on what you don’t have. For instance: you can be grateful that this lovely girl is part of your life, that you met her and that you are friends (because that is what actually is right now). To practice gratefulness you can write down some things every night (or there are also apps for your smartphone – gratitude journals). You can be grateful for small things, like tea or your toenails, but you can also be grateful for big things, like the love you get from your family or that you have the opportunity to learn things at college.

    Getting over this will take time, you won’t forget easy and that is okay. Give yourself that time, be kind to yourself. Find something to focus on that is fulfilling for you (your studies, a hobby). Guard your thoughts, let them be positive.

    I wish you lots of strength and love,
    Karin

    November 8, 2013 at 1:50 pm #45020
    Csaba
    Participant

    Thank you for all you who answered. You don’t know how much this means for me. I will cope withb the situation, I’ll just need some time. Thank you for the encouragement.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.