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It hurts: friends go on Xmas holidays with ex and his new girlfriend

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  • #46186
    M@ry
    Participant

    It was like a kick in the stomach today. Breakup was 6 months ago, and I was doing fine, busy with work, finally making friends (I moved across the country after the breakup), but today all of a sudden I had a relapse… I overheard a phone conversation, and it turns out 2 of my friends here (also his friends) are going to spend Xmas holidays at his place, with his new girlfriend.

    This hurts so much. They didn’t tell me because they didn’t want to hurt me. And I get it, because I told everyone I don’t want to hear about him, and that I want to leave him in the past, but this still hurts. Especially because the last 2 years we all holidayed together (me included). And I know they are all still friends with him, and they should, but I feel so lonely now. I am alone this Christmas, and I have no special people or family here with me. And they will be having an awesome time there at the beach, with the new girl, who he knows is ‘the one’. They only met 2 months ago, but he’s known since the beginning she’s ‘the one’ and he knows this because he prayed about it. I now made up my own perfect fantasy holiday and told them I’ll be out of the country, because I don’t want them to think I’m a loser having to work at Xmas and having no real plans. No one will be here to verify that anyway, but aaargh….. I feel so lonely and sad. And even though we were so unhappy as a couple, and we had big problems for at least a year before the breakup, and the break was really a mutual decision, I feel jealous that he’s happy and I’m not 🙁

    #46188
    lucia
    Participant

    Hi Mary,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling really hurt. It really takes time for the pain to lessen. Even though you share mutual friends, you mentioned that you’ve made new ones. How about you try connecting with those friends over the holidays? Start making your own plans and focus on yourself. Don’t worry about your ex and his new gf, I know easier said than done, but truly focus on you. With time, you will start feeling way better. Go do something fun, something you enjoy! Keep meeting new people, you never know who you’ll meet. 🙂

    Hope this helps.

    Lucia

    #46195
    Chaplin
    Participant

    Hi Mary,

    I can’t say I know how it feels to be in your situation but I certainly empathize with you. In my case, losing mutual friends (because I couldn’t bear to see them continue a friendship with him when I used to be his best friend) was one of the most painful experiences of my life. The fact that you have maintained your friendships is brave and respectable! I know how it feels to be in a new place without deep connections with your new friends there, secretly bearing the burdens of the breakup, being away from family and being alone on major holidays like Christmas. It sucks for people like us but I want you to know that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and be gentle with yourself. As hard as it is, try to take all that energy you put into thinking about him and his new girlfriend and redirect it to yourself. You’re worth something and one day you too will have someone to celebrate life with. Someone who sticks around through the good times and bad because that’s what mr. perfect for you would do. Everything you’re experiencing right now will make sense in the grand scheme of things, every person you meet along the way is a spiritual teacher. I know I was supposed to stop by this website, read this post and feel the need to reach out as if you were a dear friend to me.

    you may feel lonely, but know that you are not alone.

    peace & possibilities, stranger!

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