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M@ry

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  • #48470
    M@ry
    Participant

    Somehow it makes me feel better that we are not alone… being in a couple doesn’t mean happiness…. I certainly wasn’t happy in my last relationship, so maybe it’s good to be happy on your own… the divorce statistics don’t lie, many people have trouble sustaining a long-term relationship, and it’s just the eb and flow of relationships, that everyone deals with…

    Then I think of tiny towns where somehow lots of people manage to find each other and find true love… this must mean that there is more than one perfect match out there… and that a lot of matches are close to home… it must mean that love is all around… makes me feel a bit better…

    #48401
    M@ry
    Participant

    Yeah, but we meet loads of people each day…. especially in a new town.. Let’s say 10 a day… after just over a year you’ve met all 4000! And half of those are women.

    #48397
    M@ry
    Participant

    I really want to go out there, take action and meet people, and Amy Webb’s TED talk was very interesting, it made me want to do online dating… BUT I happen to live in a small town, with about 12 men in my age group on dating websites… what do I do? Pretend I’m living in a bigger town 400 kilometers away? Should I travel that far for dates? Or seek people in real life, even though there’s only 4000 people in this town? I ended up here because of a job that I took after a breakup… and I want to be happy, but I also want to find love.

    #47791
    M@ry
    Participant

    And another Sunday….. I’ve been home all day… feeling like a bit of a loser. Reading my final self-help books haha, so I can start the new year ‘fresh’. My housemate and his girlfriend are pretty much my two best friends here in this new town… but they like doing things on their own a lot, understandably… other people I’ve met, don’t invite me as much. I have to invite myself, and then, still it doesn’t keep me busy 7 days a week.. I might do things with my new friends once or twice a week for a couple of hours, but then I’m still lonely the rest of the time when I’m not working. I don’t want to depend on other people to be happy, but I need people around me! I am an introvert, it’s hard for me to go out to a club by myself, or to a pool even (I will swim, but certainly won’t socialize).. How do I meet people? It’s hard for me to just start talking to strangers. In the new year I want to create a busy life for myself, and fill it will activities, and getting out there, and I really want to do that!!! I know I need to do things that I love, and that I will meet people there (for me, for example, I want to start a new sport, and take an art class).. but then I also started boxing a few months ago, and there were only 3 other people in that group! and they were in their fifities!! So I did do something I love, but it didn’t help in meeting people.. a lot of these things cost money as well, and I am stressing about my future and pension and savings, so I don’t want to spent TOO much money!

    Also, just found out my ex is spending Xmas with his new girlfriend of 4 months (we broke up about 6 months ago) and her family. It hurts like hell. A final sign that says I need to MOVE ON… but why do I still dream about him coming back! I just want someone to really care about me, to really love me, but I just don’t know how to meet someone in a small town like this. I have been here about 6 months, and have met mostly couples. I know I feel so much better when I’m around positive people, but making friends is hard for me. I know I need to get ‘out there’ but then I sit at home all day feeling like I’m wasting my life away. I hope the new year will give me the motivation to finally DO something… the healing phase is gone, I need to create my best life now. forget my ex… maybe move again, because my ex has friends and family in this town…. So, it’s Sunday, 3pm now, I’m contemplating going swimming…

    #46827
    M@ry
    Participant

    Hi, thanks guys for the replies. I came to this small town, because I moved across the country after my breakup. And I came to a place where I had a friend who offered me a job. And I am still looking for a professional job, and it freaks me out…. I just had a second interview for a job in an even tinier town (4000 people)… it scares me… I just started to make friends here, and even though it is a small town, there is loads to do here. Now, if I get this new job…. 4000 people aaaaargh… it freaks me out… starting over again, being lonely again, having to make friends again… and finding love in a small town…

    #46771
    M@ry
    Participant

    I like to tell myself that my feelings are normal, that I’m healing, that I’m bouncing back and forth through my emotions… the whole week I was great and busy, Sunday comes, I wake up…. and I feel like crap. It’s almost 5pm here now, and I did enjoy some time outside reading a book, and I went to the swimming pool with some friends and their kids.. so I feel better. I think I’ll get some groceries now to cook a healthy meal tonight. I know that all my feelings are a normal part of healing.. I also know I need to transform my own life, and be responsible for it 100%.

    And I realize that I’ve always had these feelings, even before I had any boyfriends.. I was always a bit unhappy and feeling lonely, and I’m trying hard to change that now. I am trying new things, doing new sports, trying to make friends (small town is great, because I get invited to events, and people really make an effort to include me, but I still feel left out sometimes). I also know that I probably chose my exes (I’ve only had 2) because they were social, with many friends, with clear goals in their lives, and with lots of security.. I know I need to be more like that…

    Regarding dating websites, this town is so small, there are literally 40 men on there, of which 12 in my age group. The next town is 700 km away. I know from previous times that love happens when I least expect it, which is why I’m trying so hard to change my life for the better. First goal is a career. Also, I really am not looking for a partner right now. I have so much other things I want to get in order first (career, steady income, friends, social life, hobbies, etc.). I don’t have a great income right now and I feel it’s limiting my options regarding sports (memberships cost a lot of money etc.). I try to do free stuff like walking etc. or riding a bike, but those are not really social events.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by M@ry.
    #46621
    M@ry
    Participant

    It is tough, they just all left to spend Xmas with him on the other side of the country, and I’m here by myself 🙁 I feel replaced by the new girlfriend, because last year it was me spending Xmas with them…

    #46579
    M@ry
    Participant

    I do believe that love comes when you least expect it. I’m 32 and only had 2 serious relationships. One lasted 1 year, the last one lasted 5 years. And they both started when I had given up on love because of being hurt by men, and started not to care about men anymore, and just enjoy my life. Looking back, I met my boyfriends when I was happy with myself, being busy, doing things I enjoyed, while not even thinking about finding love.

    #46578
    M@ry
    Participant

    I would love to do what I love, and sometimes I dream of starting a backpackers hostel or a cake business… but I’m still quite worried about my pension etc. What if I’m 65 and can’t work? I still might have 30 years to go at that point, how to survive then? With only 2 years of work experience, I haven’t really built up a pension, and I have to say I’m not sure how that works anyway… my savings will not last 30 years.

    #46514
    M@ry
    Participant

    Also, I feel like a bit of a loser, he’s moved on already, and I’m still single… It has only been 6 months, and I’ve got other priorities, but having no one special for Xmas and the holidays, does feel like I’m a bit of a loser. I don’t feel like a loser in general, but being around his family it does feel like that because he’s moved on so quickly and I’m still single.

    #46478
    M@ry
    Participant

    I will definitely stay in Australia.. and this job is not in my field (in which I haven’t been able to find anything yet)… and it is a job that has my interest.. but yeah, I will have to think about it, because his family still care for me, but will I ever truly move on if I keep hanging around them…. that’s my fear. Because he’s already moved long ago. It would be easier if I had a new partner myself… but my first focus is a career, social life, friends, hobbies.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)