I have been having a really hard time lately. i have stumbled a few times these past few days and i am very sad. I am in a hole of despair.

I am not writing this forum to talk about my sadness as i have done it in other forums. I am writing this to remind myself of my compassionate side. I wrote my ex because i wanted to know if he felt the pain i feel without him. This goes against everything i am. I am not the person to wish bad upon anyone. I feel terrible but instead of writing him another sad email and begging him to see me as the person i am, i am choosing to write to my brothers and sisters on this site. I have come across a couple of amazing things in the past couple of days. First is a YouTube video from Buddhist TV. The man speaking in this video makes it easier to understand the concept of mindfulness and this phrase “it is what it is”. there are a couple of more videos of him in which he explains various teachings of The Buddha in a very simple way.

I have also come across couple of support groups who are available throughout the U.S (i am not sure about other countries as i only looked for them in states). I am going to a Codependency support group meeting on Thursday. I called someone from that group who’s number was listed on the cite and she listened to me and has welcomed me to treat her like a sponsor. This is a 12 step program to recover from codependency and lead a more peaceful and content life by developing self love. she also recommended me to look for a support group for adult children of alcoholics. Even though not either one of parents is an alcoholic, this group address many other issues of childhood abuse. I strongly urge anyone who is going through intense amount of pain currently to look at these cites and help themselves.

http://www.coda.org/

http://www.adultchildren.org/

What i have learned from emailing my ex yesterday is that no one in this world will help you if you don’t help yourself. i am trying to make a family that i never had and hence seeking like minded people to support me in this journey without judgement. Meanwhile, i am working on not judging myself. I am still recovering and i still cry but i am trying my hardest to get out of this very very dark hole. I knew i had to get up and find help when i even gave hurting myself a thought. I know there is so much suffering in this world but with a little compassion for each other we can make it livable and perhaps maybe one day…pleasant and lovable.

Namaste

Sapna