Hi Felix,

First off i’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through s hard time and for the way you are feeling.

You seem to have had bad experiences near each other which is making you perceive your situation to be critical. Loosing a job and family cold to towards you. You say you don’t want to work in corporate anymore and although you stopped smoking you are swapping that for eating, but you also acknowledge that you need to getting healthy and developing yourself which to me says you know the way to get out of this temporary slump is by getting out of the physical habits. But I feel that more importantly the initial change comes from getting out of the way you’re thinking or the way your problems have conditioned you to think, i.e. your mind is jumping to conclusions and as a result getting you to give up, though from the outside looking in this is far from the truth.

You know there is a way forwards but you’re lacking the motivation which is not allowing you to progress.  The negativity you have faced has pretty much told you that it is all over and suppressed your motivation, though I can tell you that this is because you are dwelling to much on the past and also where you would like to be in the future. Please see that once you motivate yourself and realise that you have something to offer and that the negativity that surrounds can still be there to motivate you just as much as it hasn’t.

There is a really good app called insight timer (app store i’m sure there’s equivalents for other platforms) which may help and has guided exercises which have helped me greatly overcome confidence and negativity issues when practising various forms of mediation and this has helped me not to dwell too much on the negative and focus on how I may be helpful to others. When . you’re in the situation that seems bad that is exactly what it is, it only seems bad but there is always a way to change your thinking and this is the start, don’t attempt to solve all your problems in once go, start with small steps and tackle your thinking and strengthening that aspect then move on and you will find you can progress.

Remember that the mind is fickle and training it to calm down and not jump around is a great way forward.

I’m keen to know what you think and I hope to hear from you soon.

best wishes,

Jahrin.

Hi Felix,

A few things come to mind.

1. If your grandmother wanted you at her deathbed, she should have treated you better when she was well.

2. The phone works both ways. If your parents don’t contact you, it’s really up to you whether you want to be “The Good Son” and contact them.

3. Your partner wants you to just move out after you get another job. Laugh at her. I don’t know the rent/mortgage situation, but if the place is in your name as well, SHE can move out. Seriously. You have to work to be in a relationship with someone. You (she) also has to do the work to get out. Tell her to do her work. She wants out so bad, she can move. Or, conversely, have a relationship with you.

4. There is a reason your dog is your best friend. Dogs are awesome! It’s people who are broken. If you want to find Your People, volunteer at an animal shelter. You will find others like you. Dogs need to be walks. Cats groomed.

5. Find a faith community. If religion isn’t your thing, go to a meditation center. It really helped me when I was going through a spiritually/emotionally hard time.

Good Luck!

Inky

Dear Felix:

Anxiety (ongoing fear, without a real and imminent danger, worrying) does not protect the anxious person, only wears him down. When a danger is real and imminent, fear motivates us to effectively run or fight, but the ongoing type, like what you describe, does nothing for our benefit. It only harms.

anita