May 5, 2020 at 4:37 pm #353426
Hello I’m Christiana,
I recently decided it was time to end things with the father of my child after 3 years. The first month we had gotten together he had already set the tone of the relationship by reaching out to a woman and telling her that we weren’t together and I decided to stay because why not give it a second try? We’re both young and I understand that it takes some longer than others to fully show up in a relationship when they’re uncertain or fearful about a new relationship at least that was his excuse. He had tried to get with me for over year but I had never been in a committed partnership and due to seeing so many failed relationships in my time I was always very nervous. I don’t feel like I was entirely ready for a relationship because I was 21 and having so much fun I didn’t want to conform. I’m 24 now, well we both are and in-between the first incident there has been so much more texting, sneaking, and I have no proof that he’s ever cheated however there have been many questionable situations. Two months after having our daughter he got his CDL and went on the road.
During those two months out on the road he was back and forth in California hanging out with his brothers friend (a woman) and called to ask me if I was interested in going on a trip with them and more friends. I asked him if he was attracted to her and of course he sugar coated his feelings but I was able to get it through that its okay to be attracted just not cross any boundaries however that was always the biggest mistake I made in the relationship. Saying one thing and not being comfortable with it at all. Long story short I thought she was a beautiful woman and I’ve had relations with women in the past but I was not ready for a poly relationship especially with the fact that I had just had a baby let alone the postpartum depression from him being gone for so long as well as still the texting other women. I know I should’ve left a long time ago but back to the story… he had stated in the beginning of the relationship that he felt like one woman wasn’t enough for him and with all that was going on I felt in this situation maybe another woman could take the load off of me and it was a complete shit show.
Fast forward to now… I decided to end things 3 weeks ago without setting boundaries and still living together because it’s a process moving out. However it’s done complicated but done. At least I want it to be… why do I still deep down inside feel so conflicted of wanting to stay?May 5, 2020 at 5:27 pm #353446
“why do I still deep down inside feel so conflicted of wanting to stay?”-
– I am guessing because you are emotionally attached to him, on one hand, and on the other hand there is nothing so wonderful waiting for you where you will be moving out to, nothing that feels desirable.
Is my guess correct/ partially correct?
anitaMay 6, 2020 at 7:25 am #353536
Your guess is correct and truth is I’m pretty scared of moving out into the world on my own. I was a stay at home mom for 18 months luckily I’m back working so it’s just searching for what fits within budget and finding resources. I try to release whatever fears I maybe holding onto but the truth is its everything about the unknown ending of this relationship.May 6, 2020 at 8:11 am #353546
It’s a good thing you are back working and searching for a place to live that’s within your budget. I suppose by “finding resources” you mean child care, as the father of your child is on the road for work. And other resources as well, anything and everything that’s available, or will be available when different services resume post-pandemic shutdowns.
For as long as you live with him, because you are understandably afraid of the unknown, you are likely to feel drawn to him from time to time, hoping that he will save you from the unknown. But remind yourself, when you feel that way, that he told you that “one woman wasn’t enough for him”, and that you are not okay with him having another woman. Do post here anytime and I will be glad to read from you and to reply.
May 6, 2020 at 1:45 pm #353608
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by anita.
I am so grateful for this forum. I was going through many of them while here at work and its such a safe sacred space I became overwhelmed by so many truths. Thank you so much.May 6, 2020 at 2:41 pm #353626
You are welcome. I am grateful for these forums as well. I am a member here like you (although a very active member, daily, five years this month). Do post again anytime!