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I’ve lashed out at my boyfriend out of fear, and it’s pushed him away

HomeForumsRelationshipsI’ve lashed out at my boyfriend out of fear, and it’s pushed him away

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 months ago.

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  • #294573

    Faith
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I broke up after a bad argument. He texted my phone right after the accident and ended up speaking to my sister who had my phone while I hospitalized. She was the one who told him what happened. I was T-boned by a driver and I suffered spinal damage because of it. He took it very hard. My sister kept him abreasted the whole time. He let her know through me he is with me and the bs we argued over didn’t matter. It was about us. When I came home, he confessed deeper feelings for me than he’s had at all and said he admires my character and who I am as a person. These are things he has not acted on before this or even said. I was just rehospitalized last week. My sister this time let him know again, and he was worried and told her to let me know his work schedule which so already knew about. He works two jobs and one he just started so wouldn’t be able to come to the hospital during the week. I understood. I came home two days later, and my doctor phone conferenced about the likelihood of coming out after the spinal surgery. I lost it, this will change my life. I called him first, bc I wanted his emotional support bad and also hadn’t heard from him yet so I knew something must have been wrong for him to know I came back home and he wasn’t there. I called and he answered then it hung up. I waited for him to call back and he didn’t or text. I started feeling unimportant and upset. I went to the house to see what’s going on. We argued, I questioned how much he cared and it was frustrating for him and I didnt mention the new info about the surgery. For days we don’t speak, I find out I have to cover a big copay for this surgery coming up. We had a prior arrangement for him to give back $200 to me before my accident, so I asked can I please have it bc it’s a necessity or me rn. He ignored that for a day. I told him I need this and although we’re at odds this is something I need. He got upset and said I was being petty for asking for this at this time and he will pay me the money then we don’t have to speak again because he’s done. My heart fell. I pushed him away because I was emotionally vulnerable and selfish and wanting him at a crucial time, and based our entire relationship on that moment. It’s giving me nightmares last night knowing I can not come through this surgery and my last conversation with someone I love is this kind. Just coldness. I texted him several messages asking could we please talk, and that life was short and I didn’t wanna lose him over what he thought was a spiteful play about money. Our relationship has no price tag for me to hit him low like that and he won’t answer anything I say. I’m scared because this surgery is scheduled soon and he views me as the enemy for coming at him how I did. Where do I find the strength? I’m scared for me and fear a bond he may not want to mend. What do I say to him?

    #294577

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Faith:

    A terrible misfortune, the accident you suffered.

    “my doctor phone conferenced about the likelihood of coming out after the spinal surgery… it’s giving me nightmares last night knowing I can not come through this surgery”- can you tell me what you mean by not coming through this surgery??

    anita

     

    #294581

    Faith
    Participant

    i Can have complications through this surgery worse than my last

    #294583

    Faith
    Participant

    And not make it

    #294587

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Faith:

    You wrote: “Our relationship has no price tag for me”. But the major surgery you are about to have has a high price tag on it, and you “have to cover a big copay for this surgery coming up”. He owes you $200 and you asked him to repay his debt to you so that you can use this money for the copay.

    His response: “He got upset and said I was being petty for asking this at this time”-

    -he told you that you were being petty, meaning your surgery, a major surgery from which you may not  come out of  alive is … petty to him-

    Did I understand correctly?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by  anita.
    #294593

    Faith
    Participant

    Hey Anita. He thought I was being petty about needing the money at this time, so I can cover the percent for the surgery I can’t get insurance to pay for. He thinks the timing and all was about spite

    #294595

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Faith:

    I am so sorry, Faith. I wish your boyfriend was a decent man who knew that your very life is not a petty thing. I wish he was decent enough to return to you money that he owes you. The fact that you lashed out at him verbally, having told him whatever it is you  told him, does not justify him not returning to you money that he owes you.

    I noticed the name you chose to use here, Faith. I hope you have faith in your healing and recovering well from the injury you suffered. I hope you get the best doctors available to perform this surgery. And that you focus on your upcoming healing and recovering.

    I will soon be away from the computer for the next 15 hours. I  hope other members answer you before I return. I hope you post again anytime, to  express your thoughts and feelings and will reply anytime you do post.

    anita

    #294597

    Faith
    Participant

    You are amAzing Anita! This is helpful. So helpful and I’m going to listen to what ur saying. I appreciate this so much.

    #294605

    Mark
    Participant

    Faith,

    Stress can reveal the true character of someone.  Your boyfriend may well be stressed or he is just an a-hole in general.  If he truly was interested in your well being then he would not be hanging up on your nor withholding money that is yours and calling you petty.  He has ignored being in contact with you by not responding or reaching out.  All this is not the behavior of a loving partner.

    Best you find out now so you can drop him.  This way you won’t have to suffer the indignities from a rude, uncaring, and selfish boyfriend.

    Mark

    #294625

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Faith:

    You are very welcome. I do hope you heal and recover. Anytime you  post and I am at the computer, I will read attentively what you write here and reply.

    (Back in about 12 hours).

    anita

    #295101

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Faith:

    I noticed you started a new thread and posted a reply on someone else’s thread and in both places there is a message about  inappropriate content. I think you are pressing on the wrong key reporting yourself, by mistake. In the thread you started, it is not possible for members to reply because of this message.

    If you want, you can start a new thread and be careful to not accidently report yourself for inappropriate content.

    anita

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