I’m 20 years old. For a long time, I’ve lived by the notion that I would never regret giving effort, in whatever I do, wherever I am.

I was wrong.

I’m so tired. And alone. Things I do, the extra effort I give, is used and wasted. Constantly. I used to not need some form of social reward for doing something good, but now? Now I can’t bring myself to do anything for those who don’t do something for me.

My nerves are fried. I’m so tired of playing Casper; just a helpful ghost, barely there but always supporting.

I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t feel love for much. Not for the world around me or the people in it.

I don’t even want to feel it anymore.

It has never been worth it to be compassionate. I have never been happier when I am kind.

Give money, never hear from them again.  Help out, will fuck me over some other time. I don’t want to be around people anymore.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to try anymore.