Hello,

Because I used to not knowing myself at all, I had always had complicated relationships and was so lost I even ended up being violent with my ex and myself. After this last relationship, I spent quite a lot of time by myself, found myself, gained more confidence, took care of myself and was happy for the first time in ages.
It is then that I met my current boyfriend who I truly fell in love with, I could say it was the first time I was in love and not only feeling strong attachment and selfishly using him while doubting about his feelings but I wanted him to be happy and trusted the love he had for me. Obviously: I was able to love myself!
Problem is once the relationship has become more serious and lasted for a few months, my old issues came back to the surface. Indeed, I have started worrying about his female friends and made the big mistake of going through his computer, where I found he did have a weird relationship with a friend of hims. He cut contact with her as he agreed it was really unhealthy, regardless my jealousy.
Things went better and I kept developing trust in him. We talked about my issues and he said he wanted to help while I keep working on myself.
But even the tiniest thing brings back my worries and when I met his sister who talked about ‘his other gf’ (apparently meaning an ex) I couldnt help but go through his phone. There, I found a friend of hims sent him naked pics. Considering the fact that my self-confidence has gone a bit lower recently from putting on weight, I lost it and threatened him to leave if he wanted to keep being friends with her. He chose her. But he then said it wasnt for her but for the fact that he shouldnt have to choose. I understand him but cant get over the fact that he chose her (in my mind because she’s hot) and this girl thinks its ok to send these pics to a friend who has a gf and that he obviously wont complain about it. Still, we stayed together but I cant get that out of my mind and think he chose her.
I know I have to work on being more confident again but I feel like I’ll always worry about other girls as there will always be fitter or more confident around.
I have come a long way and now know I am not afraid of being by myself and dont need someone but it seems like, because there’s always “better” in some ways, I’ll always worry when in a serious relationship. I have this belief men are always attracted to several women and I’m having a hard time accepting that.
Now, I am trying to make things work but I get into excessive anger (I know it’s mostly about myself for putting on weight and such) once in a while, think about breaking up… And hurt him.
I know I am a lot less stressed out if single but have also been told by a psychologist I’ll never fully get rid of these issues if not in a relationship and it does seem like my bf is actually able to help me. I just really dont want to end up in toxic relationships again nor hurt him.
Should I actually keep trying although these issues really hurt me too or just go back to being single and losing the most important person I’ve ever met?
And if we do stay together, would it be fair to tell him to cut contact with that girl who sent him pics?

Thanks for your advice 🙂