- This topic has 37 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 7 months ago by Rainbow.
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November 1, 2015 at 9:27 am #86518AnonymousGuest
This is my attempt to take a break from recent dramas on the site, jokes. Not a skill or talent of mine. I know only a few and I will tell them as I remember them (these are ALL I know):
1) Why did the chicken cross the street? To get to the other side.
2) A woman once told Winston Churchill (with disgust): You are drunk! To which he replied: Yes, I am and tomorrow I will be sober. But you, my dear, will still be ugly.3) I once tried to snort coke but the ice cubes got stuck in my nostrils.
4) I used to smoke pot. I still do. But I used to alsoHope you can do better than this…
anitaNovember 1, 2015 at 10:38 pm #86545jockParticipantI like the Churchill one best Anita.
Did you hear about the guy addicted to brake fluid?
He says he can stop anytime.How many Australians does it take to make a vegemite sandwich?
I don’t know and I don’t care because I hate vegemite!November 2, 2015 at 1:25 am #86548AnonymousInactiveWhat’s E.T short for?
Because he’s only got little legs.What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.November 2, 2015 at 2:22 pm #86592jockParticipantWhy did the lama cross the road?
Because he could see enlightenment on the other side.November 2, 2015 at 2:31 pm #86594jockParticipantI’m back! I’m back!
It’s Llama Llama Jack!
You can’t give me
the sack, the sack!
because I have the knack, the knack
of finding out your lack, your lack
and being leader of
the pack, the pack
I have to
clack my rack
my rack
and eat a nice
Big Mac Big Mac
look out here comes some
flak, some flak
I’m under
huge attack, attack
Have to rebuild my
shack, my shack
OK I know
it’s only prac
but stillNovember 2, 2015 at 2:39 pm #86595jockParticipantWoolly Bully
Don’t know you fully
But I’m guessin’
your mind is stressin’
Your inner critic
is playin’ havoc
and you need some outlet
and I’m your outlet
but stop the A-buse
’cause I don’t D-eserve itAffirmation Interlude ” Noone can make me feel less about myself”
My mistake
Woolly Bully
You don’t exist.November 2, 2015 at 4:03 pm #86596jockParticipantWhat did the dog say when he heard other dogs talking about him?
Woof Woof!November 2, 2015 at 4:15 pm #86597AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I must have done something right to be blessed with a visit from good old Llama Jack: Welcome Back, Llama Jack, been a long time! You have a way with words and I enjoy it, so thank you, thank you, Llama Jack.
Woolly Bully, I do not like you, Woolly Bully, Woof Woof Away!
anita
November 2, 2015 at 4:42 pm #86600jockParticipantAnita
You can’t beat her
She’s always here
to send good cheer
you want empathy?
then you’ll get empathy
you want sympathy?
then you’ll get sympathy
she can analyse
those inner selves
those naughty elvesshe is so feisty
and not so fancy
she is direct
and usually correct
I could say god bless her
but she don’t believeNovember 2, 2015 at 4:45 pm #86602AnonymousGuestDear Llama Jack:
A poet at heart, one of your many skills and talents. Love it! Thank you so much. Another one to copy and paste!
anita
November 2, 2015 at 5:41 pm #86605AnonymousGuestWinston Churchill sayings that I think are funny (and often true, some may be offensive… and a surprising llama joke, Jack):
Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. (Referring to Sir Stafford Cripps)
He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath. (Referring to Charles De Gaulle)
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if I were your wife, I’d poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink itBessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Woman: My goodness, Mr. Churchill,¦ Well, I suppose we would have to discuss terms, of course
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Woman: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.November 2, 2015 at 11:18 pm #86635jockParticipantHe was a witty guy Churchill, that’s for sure.
November 16, 2015 at 6:56 am #87638NekoshemaParticipantI love Churchill quotes. Always loved dry humour.
December 20, 2015 at 5:52 pm #90040jockParticipantI’m trying to think of a joke I heard recently but it is eluding me this very minute.
Did you hear about the guy who came onto Tiny Buddha to find the meaning of life?
He’s still here and he hasn’t found it yet.No that wasn’t the joke, I made that one up….
December 20, 2015 at 7:04 pm #90047AnonymousGuestMore, more jokes from Joker Jack!
anita -
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