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Judgmental Mother

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #284305

    Kaitlin
    Participant

    All of my life, my mother has been extremely judgmental of other people. NEVER once has she judged me, but it bothers me so much it feels like I can’t do anything at all without worrying that she’ll be upset with me. All I want to do is make her happy but I realize I can’t. I suffer from severe anxiety and am on several medications for it. I see a therapist bi-weekly who I LOVE. How can I live my own life without worrying about my mother and her’s?

    #284309

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaitlin:

    I would like to understand better, therefore I ask: can you list ten things that your mother criticizes about others?

    anita

    #284403

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaitlin:

    When your mother judges others, she judges you too. For example, let’s say she judges overweight women as being of poor character, lazy, and she looks down at them, thinking they are worthless people. She doesn’t say anything about your weight and let’s say you are not overweight. But the moment you gain an extra pound, you are likely to think: oh, oh, I am one of those people my mother disapproves of, one of those people she thinks so little of, I am worthless!

    Another example, she judges others for not performing jobs perfectly, ex., not washing dishes perfectly, or not cooking perfectly as .. again, being unworthy people. She doesn’t say anything about how you wash dishes or cook. But what happens is that the moment you notice that you did something imperfectly, burned a dish you cooked, or maybe got a C grade at a test, so you think something like: oh, oh, I am one of those unworthy people.

    When a child has a critical parent, be it a parent who criticizes the child directly, or indirectly (criticizing others), the critical parent becomes a voice in our brains that self criticizes. It is called the Inner Critic, a mental representative of the critical parent. Living with persistent criticism causes anxiety.

    Did you discuss this with your therapist and what are your thoughts about what I wrote here?

    anita

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