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Karma? I'm evil?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 3 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #319259

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Hi,

    So last year i met a girl in office (say Priya). We started talking and we became friends, eventually i started liking her. When i met her i was going through a phase in life where i made a resolution that i would socialize more and say more from heart. Have no regrets. And make new friends. I never knew that i would seriously fall for her. On the other hand i’m in a long distance relationship for a while where there were no signs to getting to be together with my gf (say Tanvi). We have not met in a year almost.

    I`m 26 now and i felt i had needs. I never wanted to cheat but i had temptations for Priya. I was attracted to her and on the other hand i thought we could be friends because of resolution. We talked and hanged out once in a while, we became good friends. I told Priya i was not a relationship anymore and drifted apart from Tanvi. Which was partially true. Because then i thought maybe Priya was the one and not Tanvi.

    But that’s when Karma kicked in. My friendship with Priya became sour. Because now I had became a person who was clingy and desperate for her company. I was never like that. I exposed myself too much to Priya. My feelings were strong and visible. I told her i liked her, because i wanted to take a chance.  I screwed up my budding friendship. She blocked me, shunned me in office. I cried, begged her to talk and remain friends. I became weak and vulnerable. For few months i went through all the stages of separation. After a month i resigned from my job because it became toxic. Finally, she told me we were never really friends and i needed her only physically. Since then i have not talked or even looked at her.  We were in a small office of 5 people and it was impossible to ignore her. I know my mistakes, I accept that, i want to move on.

    Let me take you back, last year i was feeling alone, almost depressed, i have 2 friends, everyone busy with their lives. Tanvi was in her city, she was not making any plans for the future. Not her fault, family issues. I never really had stable friends, everyone came and went by. I never made any efforts to make them stay, that’s why the resolution.

    After resigning i decided to take charge. Meet my friends more often, resolve things with Tanvi. Try to let go and be happy. But I have few days left of my notice period. And I still have that sinking feeling. Whatever i did , got me what i deserved. I have learned from my mistakes. Is it just human to be this way? Or I’m a manipulative evil person? What Priya said was the truth? I can’t really say at this moment. I’m exhausting myself with these thoughts. Please help!

     

     

     

     

    #319283

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Anonymous:

    I am not a professional evil detector (if there is such a thing) but I detected no evil in what you shared:

    “I met a girl in office”- no evil. “We started talking and we became friends”- no evil. “I started liking her… I was attracted to her”- we are never evil because we feel this or that, we don’t choose our feelings.

    “I’m in a long distance relationship.. no signs to getting to be together.. not met in a year almost”- not having been together for a year and not having plans to get together..? That doesn’t read like a relationship at all.

    Reads to me that what happened is that you pursued a co-worker for a love relationship, a co worker in a small office of five employees. You presented yourself to her as a friend but pursued her like a man interested in being her boyfriend. This is not evil, it is unwise, there is a difference.

    “last year I was feeling alone, almost depressed”- when we feel very lonely and depressed, we do get needy and clingy and quite desperate and we don’t do our best thinking. Our sensibility gets blocked by strong emotions.

    “Is it just human to be this way?” Yes, it is.

    “Or I’m a manipulative evil person?”- no, not from what you shared, not at all.

    “What Priya said was the truth?”- she was in a tough situation, working in a small office with four other people, one of whom pursued her as a potential girlfriend, a difficult situation for her.

    So you have a few more days in this job. Do you have another job after this one and I am guessing you learned to not pursue a woman in the workplace, especially in the same office?

    anita

    #319323

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    You can’t put your life on hold for a long distance relationship. Especially one where there are no immediate plans to get together! For all you know, your girlfriend is having encounters too. I know I did. Sorry that is bad news. But you can’t honestly believe she is pining away for you 100% of the time.

    I say give yourselves permission to date other people. Don’t confess about your disaster, just say this isn’t working.

    And forgive yourself for the new girl. Something went way wrong in your approach. Don’t be a stalker. The last few days come down with “bronchitis” so you don’t have to go in.

    Best,

    Inky

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