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Lack of Listening or Is It Me

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  • #339062
    Guthries
    Participant

    Lately I’ve been through some pretty dramatic events. The most recent is having my abusive “boyfriend” flip his lid and get physical with me where I was slapped, pushed and shoved to the ground twice. All because I objected to his calling me a ‘bitch’ and told him why. He ends up creating a scene with two other neighbors. He couldn’t be talked down, his rage was about a 12 on a scale of 1-10.

    My experience with the police here has not been very good so I was reluctant to call them. I’m an AA woman and was assaulted, they didn’t bother to investigate or make a report the first time. The second time, what  told the policeman wasn’t in his written report which already made me look like a liar regardless of what I said.

    Spairng the details, I’ve noticed that some people will just rudely cut you off when you are talking about a subject they don’t want hear or aren’t interested in. You could be talking about the moon rising and they will cut you off and talk about something else. I find this rather rude and have been getting more than my fair share of it. It’s usually a one way thing. If they want some information about you, they are all ears but if you are talking about some subject they don’t want to hear, they will cut you off quickly. I’m wondering sometimes if it’s me.

    I don’t think it is. I just think these people are being rude. Has anyone else experienced being cut off mid conversation because the listener just isn’t interested in the conversation?

    #339172
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Guthries:

    “if you are talking about some subject they don’t want to hear, they will cut you off quickly”- it is rude for people to “cut you off and talk about something else”. Sometimes I find myself impulsively cutting someone off but I don’t keep talking; I apologize and stop talking.

    It often happens that one person will talk about something interesting to herself (or himself) but the listener is bored. And if the person talking keeps talking for a long time, it is very difficult to keep being bored for a long time, it feels like being trapped and wanting out.

    Therefore, better talk in moderation, talk some and take a break, see how the listener responds: does he asks questions on the topic I just talked about, wanting to hear more, or is the listener relieved, changing the subject or excusing themselves and moving on.

    When you find yourself with a person who talks a lot, on and on,  and you are very bored, what do you do in that situation?

    anita

    #339634
    Guthries
    Participant

    I’m probably too attentive because I know what it’s like to talk about something and be ignored. Sometimes people just want to be heard because they have something they need to talk about. I can listen without interrupting. It’s amazing what you can learn from just listening to people. Feigning interest and cutting someone off which passes for listening sometimes doesn’t really do the trick.

    I’ve really wanted to open up to someone but I was cut off and dismissed before I could even do so. I didn’t even have a chance to talk on and on, it wasn’t that serious. If I run into some that talks alot that’s different than talking to someone who has something they need to talk about. Big difference. I try to make myself available to the person who needs to talk and be polite to the talker.

    #339638
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Guthries:

    I have a pretty good record of listening (reading and re-reading attentively, then providing feedback) to members here. You are welcome to talk (type away) anything and everything that is on your mind and heart, and I will listen.

    anita

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