Dear Anonymous:

Welcome back! I wish there was a third option. I don’t remember the details but moving in with your family didn’t sound like a good idea for me then… was it codependency (I could re-read past threads but it is late for me tonight).

I wish there was a third option.

But of the two, I personally prefer the city.. (but it is not me writing the thread!)except for the pollution, as I remember…

Can you tell me again about your relationship at home, how it would be like if you did go back? And… could there be a THIRD option to shoot for?

anita

I made an account here just so I could reply to your post. 🙂 This is SO weird–I am going through something very similar. I met my amazing partner (he’s from the Balkans) a little over two years ago, we got married last summer, and I made plans to follow him to Italy until he finished school here. It’s been a little over two months since I came here. However, originally he was supposed to graduate this Spring, but found out he can’t graduate until July; he was trying to find a job, but hasn’t been able to get work. My savings would have comfortably taken us through the Spring, but we’d have to live on bare minimum if I were to stay til the Summer and probably go broke… and I can’t make much money working here at all. I’ve been having health problems more and more– terrible menstrual cycles, weak, getting sick easily, and found mold (to which I have allergies) in our apartment. We’ve had trouble getting my permit of stay as well.

I ADORE my partner, he’s my best friend, and I never, ever thought I could love someone as much as I love him. But I’ve been so sad, so weak, and I really miss my home and family terribly. I’ve made the decision to leave, and wait for him to graduate, and in the meantime apply for his citizenship for the States (where I’m originally from). It’s the hardest, saddest decision I’ve ever had to make because it means being separated for about 7-9 months.

Yes I could try to stay, work as much as I can so we can have a little extra money, and push myself to be in a place I don’t like and do something that makes me feel sick while hoping I don’t get TOO sick… but really, do I want to? God, no. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies already and just feel generally sad. I know I have to do what’s best for BOTH of us in the long run, and because we’re planning a long life together I decided to make the more difficult decision in order to ensure our future.

We’ve already had experience with having a long-distance relationship, being from two different countries, but this will be our longest separation by far. It’s going to majorly suck, but we are so committed for life that we know we can make it work. I hope this helps a little to hear from someone going through a similar sucky situation! Please contact me if you want some mutual support 🙂

Dear Anonymous:

I remember now that I suggested your third option before to you. I like it. I think that you are quite clear yourself that the option of going back home, living with your mother and her boyfriend is not a good idea, not if you want to feel good (and you do want that..)

I would take a … leap of faith and make a decision regarding the living at home option, think about it more if you need to and then make a definite decision, be it yay or nay, yes or no. No longer Maybe! It takes courage.

If you make a No decision of the first option and feel strongly about it (in spite of ongoing fear that will still be there), then, if I was you, I would tell my boyfriend about my final decision about option one and tell him what it is that I do want: to live with him! Then see what he says. Make a move toward what YOU want.

You are quite clear about what you do want: to make a life living with him, so… make it happen! Imagine you can make things happen the way you want them…? It is the fear, if you practice courage and get his support in handling the fear, then you can make things happen the way you need them to be. Not perfectly, but in that direction, living with him.

Post again…!
anita

Dear Anonymous:

What an inspiring post! I am elated to read it and as I was reading it, it was getting better and better. You are not the only person proud of yourself… I am proud of you!

You did it, exercised your power. It is an empowering experience, to exercise the power you do have. And as you experience the payoff, the good feeling and the benefits in doing that, you are more empowered to do more and then more of the same: exercising the power you do have to benefit yourself… and create win-win situations.

My hat is off to you, so to speak! Wow, Anonymous, I am impressed! You are on the right track! Please post again, anytime, with victories and with difficulties along the way.

anita