Enshi

I would like to understand more about this protective shell you have around yourself and this friend if yours that wants to get closer. Is this friend male and do you get the sense that (on the other side of the shell) he may be partially interested in you because he likes you?

Do you think its possible that different guys can have different preferences in what they find beautiful? Do you believe that two guys can see the same person and one think she is beautiful and one not? How about the other way around, can one guy see a girl and think she is reasonably attractive and another say that she is really attractive because they like different things?

If so then you may find you feel like I do, that everyone sees everyone differently and no two people are viewed the same by anyone. Therefore if everyone (including yourself) judges beauty differently who’s opinion is the one that counts? Do any of the opinions count?

What your ex did does not define you in any way because his opinion and the way he sees things is something that is completely unique to him and their are billions of other people on the planet who absolutely see things differently. Some of those people would certainly disagree with your assessment of looks instead thinking you have the more attractive qualities. Why can’t they be the ones who are right? Are you perhaps just choosing to select the perception that matches your mood when it pertains to something as individual as what someone thinks is attractive?

I think you might be.

I’m not saying you should not keep up the cocoon. Just consider letting that friend of yours inside for a while… I’ve been in that situation before (on the outside of the cocoon) and I desperately wanted in. I poured my heart out, and it was a no-go, I couldn’t penetrate it. For this other guy, I hope you give him a chance.

Just a note that the people who have caused us pain or decieved us can only continue to inflict that hurt upon us for as long as we allow them to!

I spent over 6 months in a deep, dark depression following a 3 year releationship in which my boyfriend cheated on me and also became addicted to crack coccaine. The secrets and deception almost tore my heart out from my chest. I felt a part of me had literally died. I could only drag myself to work and then go straight home to isolate and comfort myself with junk food and cigarettes. My eyes would fill with tears at any given moment, and I hated the world for taking what I thought was my one true love away from me. Today, I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time greiving for my supposed “loss”. I pushed a lot of my friends and interests away and continued to punish myself for something that wasn’t my fault in the first place! All I can say is that my life has gone on just fine, and the only way to win the fight is one day (or even minute) at a time. Continue pursuing new friendships and nurturing yourself! Don’t punish yourself. Even though you are feeling rejection, anger, resentment and a deep sense of loss, it is best to keep moving forward with your dignity in tact. People cheat. It’s that simple. It is NOT your fault and you are still very deserving of love and happiness, but those needs have to be met within YOU before you can become involved with someone else again. My advice is to avoid using unhealthy relationships, alcohol or substance abuse to mask your pain. Life really does go on, and you will be okay, even though right now it’s probably hard to believe. Hang in there!!!