Forum Replies Created
December 1, 2013 at 8:58 pm #46057
Wow, what a challenging situation. I admire your courage for continuing to push forward for not only yourself, but your children! Starting over can feel like such an uphill battle. It sounds like you are wanting this on-again off-again man to really pull through for you and be the emotional rock you so deeply desire. We all need love, but it’s true, we do need to FEEL lovable to BE loveable. I’m not judging your choices at all because I myself have a long track record of “relationships” that have simply strung me along, making me wait for those rare glimpses into their feelings and hearts……….. but beware! Just a suggestion, but I recently read a book called “Women Who Love Too Much”. Check it out. It helped me tremendously and I feel more prepared to find a healthy relatioship once I am ready to date again. Worth a read! 🙂December 1, 2013 at 8:24 pm #46055
Just a note that the people who have caused us pain or decieved us can only continue to inflict that hurt upon us for as long as we allow them to!
I spent over 6 months in a deep, dark depression following a 3 year releationship in which my boyfriend cheated on me and also became addicted to crack coccaine. The secrets and deception almost tore my heart out from my chest. I felt a part of me had literally died. I could only drag myself to work and then go straight home to isolate and comfort myself with junk food and cigarettes. My eyes would fill with tears at any given moment, and I hated the world for taking what I thought was my one true love away from me. Today, I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time greiving for my supposed “loss”. I pushed a lot of my friends and interests away and continued to punish myself for something that wasn’t my fault in the first place! All I can say is that my life has gone on just fine, and the only way to win the fight is one day (or even minute) at a time. Continue pursuing new friendships and nurturing yourself! Don’t punish yourself. Even though you are feeling rejection, anger, resentment and a deep sense of loss, it is best to keep moving forward with your dignity in tact. People cheat. It’s that simple. It is NOT your fault and you are still very deserving of love and happiness, but those needs have to be met within YOU before you can become involved with someone else again. My advice is to avoid using unhealthy relationships, alcohol or substance abuse to mask your pain. Life really does go on, and you will be okay, even though right now it’s probably hard to believe. Hang in there!!!December 1, 2013 at 6:59 pm #46039
Andrew, I am very sorry to hear of the tremendous heartache and greif this situation is causing you. But let me be blunt. Quit being a co-dependant! Free yourself!!! I am assuming you (even today) are accepting some of the responsibility and guilt for your ex-wife’s drinking problem and now you are feeling it is your responsibility to prevent somebody’s suicide by providing her a place to live and tending to her every childhood wound?!! Sorry to sound negative but I am more concerned about YOU right now! You matter, you come first, and most importantly, you deserve to be supported and helped, for your OWN well-being! Tell this woman that you will NOT accept the blame if she makes the choice to end her own life, that you care, but you cannot continue to support her or be intimately involved- END OF STORY. Chances are good she will not actually follow through with it, and alternatively may be forced to find a reason to LIVE again. It’s her turn to be a grown-up. And as for you, it may not be a bad idea to seek a free local support group such as Al-anon or CoDependants Anonymous. Perhaps you will even meet some great people there that can finally relate to YOU and understand exactly what you have been through with these sick women. All the best to you. Don’t take the blame for her game.December 1, 2013 at 6:36 pm #46038
Love is a complicated thing, and there are many types of love! I have loved a few men in my life and no two experiences were ever alike. Relationships, especially those of an intimate and romantic nature, are so carefully woven together with every word, embrace, shared experience and challenge we face together as a “couple”. It is my opinion that all too often, we allow the lines to become blurred which divide our own needs from the obligations we may feel toward our partner and the relationship as a whole. I just left a 3-year relationship (2 of which we were engaged) and let’s just say we will not be taking that plunge down the aisle together! However, I am trying to take the good from my experience and even though it was a turbulent and painful ending, I’ve come to realize this: Everyone we meet comes into our lives for a reason, whether its to walk part of our journey with us, or to be with us for life. I think that many of us make the mistake of missing the “red flags” or ignoring the “gut feelings” we sometimes have that try to tell us that perhaps this person is no longer the one for us… Sure, he might be very nice, and supportive toward you, but ask yourself this (and be honest when you do): “Is this the best for ME?” Sometimes we don’t want to hear the answer because it would mean having to give up our comfort, security, and to replace it with new people and/or surroundings that will reflect us more accurately as we are RIGHT NOW. There were many times in my own relationship where I secretly wondered to myself if it was truly right, and if I had been willing to be a little more honest with myself and leave the situation sooner, it likely wouldn’t have spiraled into what eventually became a dark and negative fallout between two really great people who were just really wrong for eachother! Follow your gut. Don’t be afraid. You know what’s best.