Letting Go of a Friend Hurts

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    Hi I’m Sora,

    Today I told my friend that we should not be friends anymore. Its really hard to see this happening especially when living with anxiety but I think that it should be, given that we keep hurting each other. It all started first when my friend phoned me and told me everything she was unhappy with me rejecting to go out with her most of the time. The reason I did this was due to the unanimous opinion of many of my closer friends and counselor that I should stop hanging out with her as she might be a bad influence. But even then I still somehow feel responsible for all her problems and continued to hang out with her once in a while. When she told me about her not being happy with me, I was kind of happy as that means she was being honest with me. She got into a fight with a lady before meeting me at the airport. She told me that she was angry and wanted me to pretend to be her and walk in front of the lady to see if she would scold me as well. After that, she followed the lady to the bathroom and told me that she wanted to slam the toilet door on her face. I tried to remain calm and told her not to do it. However, one thing that happened was when my phone got hacked as someone posted a photo of my face on whatsapp and a video of me on instagram. I went to the police to seek advice first as I thought my phone got hacked,then report if it is worth reporting. The police assured me that it was most likely not a hacker but a person who had used my phone on that day. Then I remembered, the person who used my phone on that day was my friend and the camera angle of the video was similar to how she was holding the phone while lying down but I didn’t want to believe it. I then told my friend that I went to the police station and wanted to make a report but she misunderstood that I lodged a report against her.I was actually thinking of lodging it against the ‘hacker’ but in the end dropped it.So I felt guilty to have had hurt her. Five days ago, something happened between her and her boyfriend, where she took his phone and went somewhere else. Her boyfriend called me and then I got so worried that something might have happened to her.He wanted me to call and tell her that if she don’t return the phone,he’s calling the police. But I remembered my friend’s advice and told him I didn’t want to get involved. At this point, my friend messaged me to meet up with her and I knew immediately it must be about what the boyfriend was calling me for. But I ignored her until yesterday, my other friend told me to reply to her as people who don’t reply to messages are the worst. I said that to my friend, ‘if you got anything to say can message me on whatsapp’. I meant it in a nice way but I guess most people will take it as being cold. She replied sarcastically. I got so anxious that  I did something I was not proud of at all. I kept calling her and messaging her but she didn’t answer. Finally, she replied and told me she’ll call me back but she never did. At first I was upset that she was ignoring me. But after thinking for awhile, I think it is just a good sign that we should let each other go as it may be time. I think it is not really a healthy relationship as both parties are hurting. I only wish them all the best and say ‘thank you’.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any advice,insights or support regarding the whole thing, I will appreciate it very much.


    Dear Sora:

    Reads to me that you did the right thing, telling her that the two of you shouldn’t be friends anymore because

    1. It is better for you because of “the unanimous opinion of many of (your) closer friends and counselor that (you) should stop hanging out with her as she might be a bad influence”, an opinion that you agree with (don’t you?)

    2. It is better for  her because “she was unhappy with (you) rejecting to go out with her most of the time”. Sometimes it is better to choose all-or-nothing over “most of the time”- she will not feel badly every time you reject her, but instead she feels badly only once (you ending the friendship and keeping it in the past, not going back and forth).

    -I hope you feel better soon about “Letting Go of a Friend”, and focus on the friends you do appreciate as good influences in your life.


    • This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
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