January 1, 2014 at 10:15 am #48115
I don’t know what do or think when can never stop reminding myself of past heartache. I want to get over the past. I fill like I have tried everything, I even removed myself from the person that caused the pain. I felt better for a while, however I just fill like I’m running away from problems, I also fill like my wife is waiting on me to make mistakes in our marriage. Just so she can say that I’m just all other men. And at this point I’m starting to believe it. I’ve worked so hard to be different. I think I’m loosing my mind.January 2, 2014 at 12:05 am #48158MarkParticipant
I am unclear what exactly what is your pain Anthony. Is it that sometime in your past that someone broke your heart and now you are married?
What are you working on to be different?
MarkJanuary 2, 2014 at 10:10 am #48191MacintoshParticipant
Did you have an affair and now are having trouble letting go of the other woman?
If this is the case hen your wife has trust issues with you and you two need to go to marriage counseling. You’d also benefit from going on your own to help you cope with the problems.January 2, 2014 at 7:38 pm #48206
Hi Macintosh, forgive for not being clear, however I did have an affair. In witch I’m not that type of man. It really started with porn. I would hide it from my wife until she came across it. I only had time to do it when wasn’t home, however it became an additional. I really didn’t get a grip on it until my wife had an affair. I had some misguided advice about the problem I was having with my wife about porn from men twice my age. Just to make a long story short I was young and stupid, and did not value and respect my wife at the time I didn’t think that looking at porn wasn’t a big deal, and I had to learn the hard way. She was having an affair. That was about 6 years ago. I had an affair to get back at her year later and she had another affair to get back at me. I refused to do it again, but even now I’m having trust issues with her now years later. I love her more than anything I think sometime more than myself. We are starting counseling next week to see if we can work things out we both have a lot issues that we brought into this marriage. I know that you right about because it helped me in the pass, but I was the only one going at the time.January 2, 2014 at 7:45 pm #48207
@ Mark I dealing with a lot of pain. Mainly the pain of trust. It seems like no matter how much I let go of the past. It comes right back.January 2, 2014 at 10:25 pm #48214MarkParticipant
My guess is that since you broke trust with your wife then it makes sense you cannot trust her. If you could not be trusted then how can you trust others?
The 4 Noble Truths tells us that our suffering is being attached. It sounds like you are attached to your pain and lack of trust.
Rich areas to deal with in your counseling sessions!
Meditation brings us to the present moment as well as being mindful in our day-to-day life. If we are present then the past will not be here giving us pain.
MarkJanuary 3, 2014 at 8:55 pm #48357MacintoshParticipant
You both have made mistakes and both have cheated. Neither one of you is any worse or better than the other. I hope you both can really communicate and listen to one another by going to marriage counseling and creating a new healthy and happier dynamic, one that helps with trust, respect and honouring your marriage vows. You two do love each other, if there wasn’t any love left, one of you would have left and filed for divorce already.
Start bonding and spending time together as a couple, remember what it was that you made you fall for her back in the days when you were dating and woo’ing her. take her out on a date and have some fun. Bring her flowers and romance her. She can do the same for you as well, making extra efforts to bring back the intimacy and wanting to make you happy.
Have faith, don’t give up. And most of all, forgive yourself for mistakes, as well as her.