May 8, 2014 at 10:06 am #56008NicoleParticipant
My whole life, I have struggled with resentment. Every stride I make seems to be matched by another challenge. I understand this is the way of the universe, but it is hard to let go of. I consider myself a fairly mindful and level-headed person. So I tend to hold people to the same expectation I hold myself. This is something I know I need to let go of.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a difficult past with my mother. She is extremely inconsistent and is usually not very thoughtful. Every once in a while, she will surprise me and be extremely thoughtful. That can be sort of difficult to accept as well, but I have gotten better about it.
Lately, I have been holding resentment because I feel like no matter how good I am, how hard I try to be a good person, it doesn’t pan out. Please don’t mistake that for me not being thankful for things. My problem is that my family always expects me to do all of the work in the relationship. If there is any visiting I have to drive to them, I make sure their birthdays are recognized and things like that. When it comes to me, they don’t take one step my direction typically. If they do, they complain to other people about it. To top it off, as great as my boyfriend is, my dad and stepmom have this odd attitude towards him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He is very giving, is always there for me, would go above and beyond if they needed help.
I don’t understand this. It’s hard for me to be selfless with this resting on my heart.
I feel like I am very giving, but don’t feel reciprocation from many family or friends. I know I shouldn’t have these expectations. How do I work on ridding myself of such expectations and is it ok to be less giving?May 8, 2014 at 12:15 pm #56017BobParticipant
Greetings Nicole —
Here it is ‘Mothers’ Day’ weekend and memories of my mom continue to haunt me. Even in the very end, when illness would be victorious and her life would cease to be it remains bittersweet. But the best gift I gave to myself was telling mom and dad that I forgave them for their choices and that I still loved them. Because of their choice, I would be raised as an orphan and that bond between a son and his parents would never happen. Eventually I gave up my desire to have anything to do with them and I became quite bitter and hard-hearted towards not only them, but life as a whole. It would become an unseen weight that I carried with me, and it had the potential of destroying me from within.
But because of the acts of others, I found ‘forgiveness’ but the toughest person to forgive would be myself. When I was able to cut loose the straps of that weight off my shoulders, I became a whole new person. I will never regret learning how to accept and give ‘forgiveness’. It all begins with making a choice to walk away from your past, forgive those who have hurt you so deeply and learn how to live all over again. I truly want the very best for you, Nicole.