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Life after a 25 marriage

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  • August 19, 2017 at 8:21 pm #164784
    ALY
    Participant

    Ok here goes , I have been with my husband 26 + yrs. all out children grown up and 3 years ago we went on our first holiday together yep just us to it was fantastic bought a time share and the following year did another holiday fantastic . Then my husbands father dies . They had been. Out of contact for yrs this triggered something in him , he wanted time to think so he went for a couple of days to his old school friend the next time he went to play golf  5 days at a time he was still my great husband struggling to come to terms ol enough I found out after another fantastic holy that he was having an affair with a old friend , 18 months I have battled on forgiving forgiving him and again he was seeing her , it ended , I am so very sad , depressed, crying at the drop of a hat I’ve been. On my own 9 weeks and I just don’t seem to be able to move on .

    August 20, 2017 at 7:57 am #164804
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi ALY,

    I’m sorry this happened to you.

    It sounds like your father-in-law’s death triggered a psychic/emotional breakdown in your husband. This is the age when seemingly grounded, happy, middle age men freak out about their own mortality. So take some small comfort that this “love”, this woman, this affair ~ is not real. Your successful children, the life you built together and the past quarter of a century… THAT was real!

    Tell your DH that you wish him the best, that you feel sorry for him, and that you know he’ll come to his senses soon. But that you’ll be long gone on new, bright adventures and happy romances. And though he may fool everyone as he’s trying to fool himself, he’ll still be an aging, mildly panicked man. That Death is (still) Always Coming.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    August 21, 2017 at 4:15 pm #165014
    ALY
    Participant

    Thank you soo very much for your email . It feels nice that some complete stranger could care. My whole world has changed and the tears fall constantly I hate going to bed and I’m lonely. I had to move away from a job I loved my wonderful friends . And start again. But I’m closer to my boys . I truly do know where to start cos I don’t know who I am

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    From: Tiny Buddha
    Sent: Monday, August 21, 2017 12:57:44 AM
    To: noreply@tinybuddha.com
    Subject: [Tiny Buddha] Life after a 25 marriage

    Inky wrote: Hi ALY, I’m sorry this happened to you. It sounds like your father-in-law’s death triggered a psychic/emotional breakdown in your husband. This is the age when seemingly grounded, happy, middle age men freak out about their own mortality. So take some small comfort that this “love”, this woman, this affair ~ is not real. Your successful children, the life you built together and the past quarter of a century… THAT was real! Tell your DH that you wish him the best, that you feel sorry for him, and that you know he’ll come to his senses soon. But that you’ll be long gone on new, bright adventures and happy romances. And though he may fool everyone as he’s trying to fool himself, he’ll still be an aging, mildly panicked man. That Death is (still) Always Coming. Blessings, Inky Post Link: https://tinybuddha.com/topic/life-after-a-25-marriage/#post-164804 ———– You are receiving this email because you subscribed to a forum topic. Login and visit the topic to unsubscribe from these emails.

    August 22, 2017 at 12:25 pm #165180
    Bellaterra66
    Participant

    Aly, this really hurts, and you’re probably never going to get over it completely.  However, if we choose, our woundings tend to make us better people rather than lesser people.  ////  I disagree with Inky.  Your husband’s affair with this other woman could be very real (more than likely it’s not real — it’s probably a mid-life crisis and hormones, but you don’t know that for a fact).  I wouldn’t say anything to your husband, because nothing you say is going to make any difference to him and anything you say is going to make you look bad, so keep quiet and keep your dignity.  Just wish him well, and get on with your own life as best you can.  My two sons quit talking to me 20 years ago.  It hurt for the first couple of years — I couldn’t see my grandchildren, and the holidays was THE worst.  But then I realized — I had my whole life in front of me, and I wasn’t going to waste it.  I went on to have a very good life these past 18 years — and my life gets better and better with each passing year.  It still hurts — at times — but not very often.  And I’d like to think that I’m a better person for all the hard hits I’ve had in life. ////  Find a good lawyer and get divorce proceedings started.  If he ever decides he wants to come back — cross that bridge if and when it comes.  In the meantime, get on with the process of grieving and get on with your life.  If you can afford it, professional counseling would be great.  Sure helped me for the first couple of years.  I wish you the very best.

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