January 11, 2020 at 6:53 am #332639
I always fall back into a depressive episode after a few weeks because I am always searching for some sort of meaning in my life. Every day is boring and repetitive, I go to school, come home study till I fall asleep. I have some hobbies such as drawing and gaming, but those are the only things I do on the weekends. I am interested in a lot of other things such as baking, music, yoga, meditation, gardening, etc. But I find myself never having enough energy or motivation to do those things. It’s difficult to incorporate something new into my daily life and expect myself to enjoy it.
I am in the mood to do something spontaneous and I need a change in my life. I don’t want to fall back into another depressive episode because every time I do, everything gets progressively worse. Life is so scary I don’t know how I’m supposed to live it, every time I think so deeply about life I end up in tears because it is too much for me to handle. I need help living the life I want but when I think about it, it’s so overwhelming. I need to take baby steps to recover but I’m not sure where to begin.January 11, 2020 at 7:09 am #332679
I would like to understand better, therefore I ask: approximately how old are you and are you living with your parents while going to.. high school/ university?
If so, how does it feel to live with your parents, how are your relationships with them?
anitaJanuary 11, 2020 at 6:03 pm #332777
I am 17 I live with my parents while going to high school. My relationship with my parents is good and they are trying to support me and take care of me but it is difficult when they don’t understand how I am feeling and it is difficult dealing with my depression.January 12, 2020 at 10:01 am #332879
Hi there Honey,
First I would just like to say that I certainly understand how you feel to, at least, a certain extent. I’ve dealt with my own depression now for about 4 years- it got worse at first but now I can thankfully say I am better now. I hope you have a support system you can turn to. Please take what I say with a grain of salt- these are just of the things that have helped me and hopefully can help you.
Everyone on this planet probably ponders what the meaning of their life is. Nothing is promised and things are in a constant state of flux, but that doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of life. Your life does have meaning even if you can’t really see that or come up with a good reason now.
I’m 21 and still learning how to be okay. Life can be boring and repetitive sometimes, I can totally agree. Things change and life can be very different 6 months or year from now. Your life and who you are will not always be this way right now. I advise to not fight what you feel or try to stuff it down. This will create resistance in your mental and probably lead to feeling more exhausted. I did this and almost came close to a mental breakdown a few times. It’s okay not be okay sometimes. Don’t fake it. Be gentle with yourself and especially don’t be hard on yourself for not being able to do this and that. Depression takes a lot out of a person and you have limited energy most of the time. Go to school and delve into your hobbies when you can. Please remind yourself you’re doing to best you can, we all are!
2) Exercise and meditation
Since you said you like mediation, I would recommend trying to do that at least for 5 minutes a day. Something small and then you can build for longer if you want. I understand that everything can seem so unbalanced and overwhelming. The chaos in your head can seem unbearable. This is where you can hopefully have some peace for a few minutes. Just something small for yourself to do so you can overtime feel even a little bit more balanced. I meditate right before I go to sleep and sometimes in the morning when I have time.
Exercise is one of the things that has helped me the most. I know its the farthest thing from our minds sometimes when we feel we have below zero energy but I promise this help 1) create endorphins and 2) move your body so you’re not still all the time. Exercise over time creates more energy and endurance and elevates your mood. Idk if you experience brain fog or the feeling like you can’t wake up, I know I did. I found that the more I took care of myself top-down (working out for body) it improved the top-up (my brain and how it regulated my moods). Now I exercise regularly cause I have to, to me it’s akin to a meditation I need.
This one’s kinda obvious but if you can I would invest in therapy. At your school maybe or elsewhere if you can afford it. There are also sliding scale therapy so you can do so without the high cost and it fits your budget if money is a concern. There is no shame in seeking help when you’re struggling. If you can’t talk about things with a friend or family member without their being judgement- speaking to someone that is a third party not familiar with you is incredibly helpful. It can be scary but the things we push ourselves to do cause us the most fear are what changes our life. I went to group therapy and continue to still do individual therapy.
4) Talk to your friends or any support network you have
Talking with family was not always an option for me so I met people who became my friend through therapy and also people I knew always that I could really trust with my most personal thoughts and struggles. Pushing people away (if you do, I did) is not good and will lead to isolation which can make you feel even more alone. You are never alone. You’re gonna need support during this time and you need people for that. I learned the hard way. You always have this site to talk to people as well. I learned the hard way.
I go to school and work full-time so I just do what I know works for me and always make time to be kind to myself whether that’s working out, reading, writing, music, or my new hobby- photography :). Life can be stressful and there are obligations that we all need to attend to but take one step at a time doing it. If you don’t take care of yourself you can’t expect to have the mental strength to progress in life in any aspect. You’re only human and we all go through the highs and lows of life. You’re still really young- problems and life and seem really monumental, but things do get better. <3
I am sorry for such a long post but I hope. Just start where ever you want to start. Really cliche but true: you can’t do the same thing over again and expect a different outcome.January 12, 2020 at 1:38 pm #332925
“I am in the mood to do something spontaneous and I need a change in my life”-
– I wonder what change you need. If you close your eyes and imagine the life you wish you had, what is it that you see, in your mind’s eye, in your imagination, that is?
(I am asking because I need more information so to be able to suggest something useful to you. So I ask questions, then if you answer, I get more information, and take it from there).
January 13, 2020 at 11:36 am #333181
- This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by anita.
Ennui: “Boredom brought on by a weariness with the world. Lethargic disappointment, a preoccupation with the fundamental emptiness of existence. Nothing matters, so nothing rouses any passion.”
Honey, I was exactly where you are for basically the entire 2019; I know deeply what you speak of.
After years of spiritual awakening, and unlearning everything that I was programmed to believe in growing up, life lost all of its meaning. Nothing made sense anymore, and every search for truth and understanding ended at a dead end. I became deeply frustrated with the lack of answers, and eventually came to believe that life, is meaningless. As well designed as Reality is, there’s no rhyme or reason for any of it. This led me to Existentialism, which if you don’t know, is a philosophical theory that basically says there’s no inherent meaning or purpose to reality, except the ones that we come to know personally. An Existential Crises occurs when you factor in that the world is a scary place, and that we will all die. So since death is inevitable, what’s the point in trying to really do anything with our life anyway?
The boring and repetitive nature of reality, along with the monotonous, mandatory responsibilities of day-to-day life are more-than-likely 2 major things that’s responsible for your drained energy. The other major thing is probably your thoughts and feelings.
If my assessment of your situation is at least close to right, then Honey, you are currently challenged with changing your thoughts and attitude towards life. You have to practice staring the meaninglessness and fearful aspects of life right in the face, accepting them, and choosing to live despite them! This won’t be easy, but if you can manage to consistently practice changing any toxic thought-patterns that support your Existential Dread, some light will begin to break through. Be patient with yourself however, as you must properly feel and pay attention to your emotions towards life, in order to accept and heal them. Again, you must practice consciously choosing to live your life despite the fear and meaninglessness. Focusing on your hobbies and interest will help this a lot.
You won’t be healed overnight, but if you stick with I promise you’ll start to notice a difference. You’ll start to create your own meaning, and you’ll be able to do things and live life without needing to have all the answers to do so. You’ll slowly start to be liberated, and free of the extra weight of any despair. The information Ariana posted above is also very useful and will help you!
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to message me.
Choose to live!
- This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by NeoVizion. Reason: Add information