Journaling because I can, because I have this space here, in my own thread-

I say “because I can” as an act of defiance, an act of rebellion, simply because I lived without such space for too long.

Better say, I suffocated without space-for-me, for too long.

It’s amazing how a person can suffocate for so long and yet, still live to tell about it.

I have been taking my space here, in my many threads, and in real-life, DANCING outdoors to live music. And I’ve been taking my space in forming friendships and friendly acquaintances.

It makes my life Worth Living (see the title of this thread?)

Listening to music.. “it’s just a shot away, ah yea..” Rolling Stones.

It’s very important to me to not CHASE anyone for friendship or attention.

Give people the space they need.

Light outside, music too loud, can’t hear the birds I assume are there, outside my open windows.

.. “Angie.. With no Loving in our Souls..”

– There IS loving in my soul!

I am a good person after all, who could have known. Not me-

I thought that I was a bad person because my mother told me so, her clearly spelled out message: YOU ANITA – BAD.

It was a false message. I FINALLY KNOW it- what a relief, so many decades after that devastating, false message took hold.

.. What has hurt me so badly in my life has been REJECTION, active rejection and passive rejection= ignoring me, not answering me, not responding to my words/ my sentiment. Nothing. As if I didn’t exist (no space for me).

Well, I exist.

More about the rejection I experienced and how MUCH it hurt:

Well, it hurt, and no rationalizing it can dim the hurt.

it’s an emotional thing, this hurt.. no words.

“Here I am on the road again.. There I go turn the page… There I .. GO.” (Music, if you don’t recognize these words).

The 20-year-old who murdered two firefighters in Idaho today and injured a third, he wanted to be a firefighter.. was he reacting to rejection?

I don’t know, his motivation wasn’t determined yet. I don’t excused the violence and death, of course, but we can all make it a better world by responding to- not ignoring- people who so desperately need a .. response.

You see a child hurting, an adult who’s still hurting? Say something, say: I see you, see you hurting, tell me more..?

Say something, don’t let people drown in unresponsive, suffocating pools of nothingness.

Help people to not feel as terribly alone as I- and so many others- have felt for too long.

Anita