I’m currently living abroad in Asia teaching English. When I first arrived, I got involved with another foreign teacher and it had been the first time I really liked someone in a long time and I was falling for him fast. However, after the first time we kissed, the weekend after I saw him kissing another girl. I was hurt, and thought I should let it go and move on, but the next day we happened to meet in town through a mutual friend and he gave the impression he liked me so I decided to see where it went against my better judgement because I hadn’t been with someone in so long. He talked about going away together on holiday and how he told his sister about me and so on. I figured we were going somewhere.

Unfortunately I messed up. When he was drunk he said “I love you” and I was really caught off guard, so I said it back without really meaning it worried I might ruin things if I didn’t say it back. Apparently he didn’t feel that way and said it by accident while drunk and I looked the fool.

Anyway, we had taken a trip to another city and he paid for dinner and we went for some drinks. Unfortunately I got quite drunk and made a bit of a fool of myself. We hooked up that morning and right after he ended it. I was really hurt but after a couple weeks I started to feel better about things until I realized he had gone back to the first girl. It seems like they are becoming an item now. I think he must have liked her the whole time and was messing me around.

The hardest part for me is that we are the same circle of friends and I am reminded about how humiliated and embarrassed I feel for giving him so much of myself only to be dumped aside and replaced so casually. My friends can’t seem to understand why I’m so hung up on it and I know it’s affecting my relationships with them. I was cheated on before in my last relationship (the guy was having affairs) so I’m starting to feel worthless and like no guy will ever treat me well or I’ll never find a guy who truly cares about me like I do him. I’ve always been the one dumped or rejected once it reaches a stage of remote seriousness.

I feel so alone here with my close friends and family so far away, and with the time difference the only time I can talk to them is on the weekends.

What I’m dreading is Christmas is coming soon and I feel like avoiding my other friends because I know he will be there with her and I don’t want to be reminded of the pain on Christmas. I don’t know how to move past this to repair things with my friends. I feel like they are caught between us and I’ve ruined everything with them. I don’t know how to see him and her without feeling horrible. I still have 8 months left here and was planning on staying longer for financial reasons, but this whole situation makes me not enjoy life as much anymore as I can’t relax when I go out without fear of seeing them. I don’t know what to do.