Living in my head can't connect

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    Hi as background I previously suffered for several years with depression, anorexia and emotional abuse from my mother. As a result I have been very isolated and am only just opening up to relationships of any kind. I find it really difficult though to not be in my head all the time. I spend hours daydreaming about being friends or dating people because it’s safe to do so in my head and comforting to imagine someone caring for me. But in reality I can barely talk to people. I had a crush on someone the past year who I thought liked me to. I spent hours imagining just spending time with them, holding their hand… but in reality we barely speak. I saw them today they just said hi and walked right past me so I mean nothing to them… I walked home crying after – this really hurts me. I feel so lonely. And like I have wasted the past year in an imaginary relationship with this girl (I’m bi) when really they don’t care about me at all. How do I get out of my head and connect with people properly?


    Dear Mia:

    I went back to your previous threads. In one a year and 7 months ago you wrote about your mother:

    “she is very volatile and I don’t trust her happy moods. I think there is always anger and sadness underneath. It’s hard to love her because she is very demanding of me. she often makes her happiness my responsibility. and I am a bad daughter ungrateful/cold/demanding/selfish etc etc if I can’t meet her needs. I am very anxious about her being angry or suicidal again.”

    No wonder you chose imaginary relationships with others: the real relationship with your mother, the most powerful relationship you ever had (because it formed you as you were a child, in your “formative years)- was so painful and so demanding, impossible to satisfy.

    You asked here: “How do I get out of my head and connect with people properly?”

    Competent psychotherapy is necessary for you, I believe, considering the horrific experience with your mother. Children- and later the adults we become- minimize horrific childhoods, but in reality my childhood and your childhood as I read it, was indeed horrific. So it takes healing, gradual, over time.

    In the safe environment of therapy, with a competent, empathetic therapist, you get involved in the first safe relationship in your life- the one with your therapist (if he/ she is, again, competent, reliable, trustworthy)- and from there you get to evaluate people in your life and take beginning steps of forming good relationships with others.

    Please post again, anytime.



    Hi Mia,

    What you need is a good loving relationship but before that can manifest you need to heal yourself of your emotional wounds first – so they don’t spoil your future!

    Please read the book ‘You can heal your life’ by Louise Hay.

    I pray your angels guide you forward and you find love and joy.

    GOD bless!


    Hi Mia,

    Anita might know: Is it possible to “Therapist Shop”? I agree that if you would go that route it is SO important to find a good one. There are SO many not good ones out there!

    And more people live in their heads than you think! There are hundreds of Otome games ~ Japanese dating sim games ~ where you can build relationships with dozens of guys! (or girls!)

    Perhaps join a group, club or place of worship that meets on a regular basis. Then later invite a couple people over your house or for drinks outside the group. Let them know you are looking for a relationship. Every person knows about one hundred people. Who knows? They might introduce you to someone awesome!



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