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Living in my head can't connect

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  • #115269
    Mia
    Participant

    Hi as background I previously suffered for several years with depression, anorexia and emotional abuse from my mother. As a result I have been very isolated and am only just opening up to relationships of any kind. I find it really difficult though to not be in my head all the time. I spend hours daydreaming about being friends or dating people because it’s safe to do so in my head and comforting to imagine someone caring for me. But in reality I can barely talk to people. I had a crush on someone the past year who I thought liked me to. I spent hours imagining just spending time with them, holding their hand… but in reality we barely speak. I saw them today they just said hi and walked right past me so I mean nothing to them… I walked home crying after – this really hurts me. I feel so lonely. And like I have wasted the past year in an imaginary relationship with this girl (I’m bi) when really they don’t care about me at all. How do I get out of my head and connect with people properly?

    #115273
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Mia:

    I went back to your previous threads. In one a year and 7 months ago you wrote about your mother:

    “she is very volatile and I don’t trust her happy moods. I think there is always anger and sadness underneath. It’s hard to love her because she is very demanding of me. she often makes her happiness my responsibility. and I am a bad daughter ungrateful/cold/demanding/selfish etc etc if I can’t meet her needs. I am very anxious about her being angry or suicidal again.”

    No wonder you chose imaginary relationships with others: the real relationship with your mother, the most powerful relationship you ever had (because it formed you as you were a child, in your “formative years)- was so painful and so demanding, impossible to satisfy.

    You asked here: “How do I get out of my head and connect with people properly?”

    Competent psychotherapy is necessary for you, I believe, considering the horrific experience with your mother. Children- and later the adults we become- minimize horrific childhoods, but in reality my childhood and your childhood as I read it, was indeed horrific. So it takes healing, gradual, over time.

    In the safe environment of therapy, with a competent, empathetic therapist, you get involved in the first safe relationship in your life- the one with your therapist (if he/ she is, again, competent, reliable, trustworthy)- and from there you get to evaluate people in your life and take beginning steps of forming good relationships with others.

    Please post again, anytime.

    anita

    #115301
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Mia,

    What you need is a good loving relationship but before that can manifest you need to heal yourself of your emotional wounds first – so they don’t spoil your future!

    Please read the book ‘You can heal your life’ by Louise Hay.

    I pray your angels guide you forward and you find love and joy.

    GOD bless!

    #115345
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mia,

    Anita might know: Is it possible to “Therapist Shop”? I agree that if you would go that route it is SO important to find a good one. There are SO many not good ones out there!

    And more people live in their heads than you think! There are hundreds of Otome games ~ Japanese dating sim games ~ where you can build relationships with dozens of guys! (or girls!)

    Perhaps join a group, club or place of worship that meets on a regular basis. Then later invite a couple people over your house or for drinks outside the group. Let them know you are looking for a relationship. Every person knows about one hundred people. Who knows? They might introduce you to someone awesome!

    Blessings,

    Inky

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