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  • #380955
    KayCee
    Participant

    It was so tough but its over for now

    #381086
    anita
    Participant

    Dear KayCee/KC:

    Welcome back. I am glad that the lockdown is over for you, and I hope that you and all  others keep safe. Based on our May 2020- February 2021 communication, I think that the purpose of the 1-line you submitted yesterday (“It was so tough but its over for now”), is to get help for something that has been troubling you very much, for a long, long time. If you feel uncomfortable at any time while reading my post, you are welcome to stop reading. It is okay with me if you stop reading whenever you choose, and it is okay with me if you do not reply. The post is addressed to you, but it is public forum, therefore I have other members in mind, and  maybe someone reading will benefit from my post.

    In this post I will provide quotes from what you shared previously. I will do minor editing of grammar and punctuation in the quotes, for the purpose of easier reading.

    In May 4, 2020, 11 months ago, at 24, you posted for the first time. You wrote: “I have OCD and deal with depression and this whole lockdown and this incident with him has me stressed.. I do have OCD, anxiety, depression as well. Maybe my OCD makes me say things I shouldn’t or explain things too much… tmi is not intentional I guess  its my OCD.. the entire incident wasn’t sexual at all… None of it was sexual “. When I asked you about the nature of your OCD, your answer in Aug 2020 was: “(My OCD) started in my teens, it was (about) appearance, self image, insecurity, self consciousness,  all that. Don’t want to get further into it”.

    Since that incident, you were obsessed, so it seems, with a 23 year old man’s naked “private area”. You indicated that you and this man have been “good platonic friends”, “like brother and sister”, not sexual partners at  any time, nor was there a consideration of a sexual relationship (“I don’t want him as a bf or attracted to him… I don’t want more than friendship”).

    * The Incident: knowing that this man has been depressed and drinking to access during the early 2020 lockdown, concerned for his safety, you entered his apartment without his permission and found him passed out drunk and naked in his bathtub. He woke up from his stupor and angry that you invaded his privacy, seeing his naked private area, he said crude words to you.

    May 4-12, 2020:”he was naked…  I saw him naked… I saw how he  looks like naked… I didn’t care if he was naked.. he made reference to how he keeps himself (his hair ‘there’)… Why would he accuse me of violating his  privacy or make reference to how he chooses to shave that area that’s his business,  it’s personal and I don’t  care!.. I  know how his privates look like and how he keeps his hair ‘there’…  I don’t want to remember  how he looks like naked whenever I see him in the future.. how he  shaves his private area… I know some men choose to groom that area.. my ex did also. I guess to clarify it  was what he said to  me about how he keeps his hair, not  that the fact that he chooses to shave some.. not all.. of his hair there… I saw how he looks… knowing how he keeps his hair there is as personal as  it gets”.

    After May 12, you disappeared from your thread for 2 months and 21 days, and then reappeared in August 2, 2020 elsewhere: “Hi  anita its KC (my old name) u helped me in  a post about my friend. I lost my password and all  with all the crazy pandemic going on.  I  finally found it and reregistered as KayCee  but its KC. I saw  this thread and saw ur name!”.

    You proceeded to share in August 2020, that since May, you saw his naked private area yet again: “he got a case of Poison Ivey that spread pretty bad and I helped him. In doing so, I saw him undressed again and he accepted it this time… he realized I already knew how he looked like naked and the way he is shaved there, so it wasn’t the shame and awkwardness as last time-but still a little awkward… I am glad I helped him when he needed it again. I know u said ur older than me I guess u understand what I mean… I did not touch him anywhere but to put the lotion he got at pharmacy on his back shoulders and back of legs where he couldn’t apply it. He was naked for only 5 minutes then shorts went back  on. He was ok with it…  I’m not focused on his ‘down there’. I’m not turned on because I saw how he keeps his hair there”.

    After your August 22, 2020 post, you were gone for 2 months and 7 days, and returned in October with a 1-liner: “Hi Anita hi Brandy”.

    In October 2020, you shared: “Sadly.. he actually now moved in with his cousin about 35 miles away.. He never got over me  seeing him naked.. OCD is still a challenge and it might’ve had something to do with it.. I’ve been  staying secluded mostly until things get better with the pandemic…  From time to time over the months since I  had a couple dreams remembering  the  situation and seeing it exactly as it was. In one recent dream he’s saying ‘don’t look please don’t look’, and I lie I say, ‘no I won’t, I’m not seeing anything, I promise’, yet I look and see  everything as I saw it exactly, knowing it was wrong, and when I woke up, I felt so guilty, as if it just happened, it was so real”.

    At that point, in regard to you seeing his naked private area in your dreams, I suggested: “maybe you have been re-experiencing.. a real-life experience that happened to you. Maybe when you were younger someone looked at you naked, ‘down there’, and you felt very, very awkward. Do you remember any such experience?”

    Your answer on Nov 1, 2020: “No, Anita, never, I’m sure. Could be its my OCD. Or my loneliness, or maybe because how he kept his hair there, or all  three idk the reason  or the answer”.

    You were then gone for 3 months and 18 days, and returned on February 19, 2021 with a 1-liner: “HI ladies Anita and Brandy hope u  are well!”.

    Gone for 3 months and 15 days, you posted a 1-liner yesterday: “It was so tough but its over for now’.

    My new input today, June 5, 2021:

    (1) It seems to me that something is bothering you a lot, and every few months, you submit a very short post, often a 1-liner, waiting for someone to ask you what it is that is bothering you.

    (2) Often, there is much more information in what a member does not share about, than in what the member does share about. Let’s look at what you did not share about:

    2-a: You referred to this young man as a good, platonic friend who is like a brother to you, and yet, you shared nothing about your friendship with him, nothing about the history of the friendship or its nature: what did you talk about, what did you have in common, what activities did you do together, etc. Nor did you share anything about him (what does he like/ dislike, what does he care about, what is he studying, what are his plans for the future, etc.). Your focus when sharing about him was “down there”, and if it wasn’t for your need to explain the circumstances behind you seeing his “down there” for the first time (the Incident), I am guessing you wouldn’t have shared that he was depressed and drinking to access at the time.

    2-b: You shared that when he realized that you saw him naked, he said some “real crude hurtful things… crude and inappropriate.. crude and disrespectful”. When I asked you to share just a bit about those crude things, so to get some idea as to what he said, you refused to elaborate.

    2-c: When I asked you about the nature and history of your OCD, you shared just a bit and then refused to share more: “(My OCD) started in my teens, it was (about) appearance, self image, insecurity, self consciousness,  all that. Don’t want to get further into it”.

    (3) About the inconsistencies and inaccuracies of the factual story:

    3-a: supposedly while drunk, passed out in his bathtub, once awakened by you, he was immediately enraged that you saw him naked. I would think that a passed out drunk would be too groggy/ unfocused to be concerned with being seen naked, too unwell to be angry.

    3-b: for months after the Incident, he kept being angry at you for using a key you had to his apartment to enter his apartment without his permission, and yet, he never asked for his key back- not on the day you entered his apartment, and not for months later. Also, it is curious that he would give you his apartment key to begin with, since you were never his roommate or his girlfriend.

    3-c: knowing that he was unconscious in his bathtub (full of water perhaps) when you supposedly found him, months later he remained angry at you, never stopping to thank you for having saved him from possible drowning, or hurting himself otherwise, ex.:  standing up while drunk, if you didn’t intervene,  and then dizzy, falling and hurting himself.

    3-d: after months of him being angry that you saw his naked, private area while he was drunk- he willingly (when not drunk) removed his shorts in front of you, exposing his naked private area to you, before turning around so to let you rub a lotion on his back side. (It was not that he got stung by Poison Ivey, and because of fear and desperation, asked you to rub a lotion on him; he was okay enough to purchase the lotion from a pharmacy first, then proceed to his apartment, and then let you rub the lotion on him).

    A couple of months after the above, he is supposedly again, not okay with you seeing him naked, and never has been okay (“he never got over me seeing him naked”).

    (4) I know that sometimes Truth is stranger than Fiction, but the factual story that you presented is stretching the Truth too much, for me. So, to attempt to understand your true story, I need to remove a lot of the facts you provided from the story (considering them unlikely to be true), and look for clues as to the true story in what you shared and in what you didn’t share.

    This is my best guess at this point, a guess based on today’s study. I can’t prove or disprove it, and I am not at all sure that it is true. It is only a guess: that the original poster, KC, is  a young man whose sexual orientation is toward men.

    The Incident may have been that KC found himself alone with a male roommate (acquaintance and/ or friend) who was indeed naked and drunk. The man who was drunk felt very uncomfortable about the way KC looked at his DT area (or the way KC touched him while perhaps trying to help put on underwear), and proceeded to say some “real crude hurtful things… crude and inappropriate.. crude and disrespectful”, accusing KC of having a homosexual interest in him, referring to KC’s sexual orientation in a derogatory manner, using shaming words. This may be why KC did not want to elaborate on those crude words.

    “(My OCD) started in my teens, it was (about) appearance, self image, insecurity, self consciousness,  all that. Don’t want to get further into it”- not wanting to get further into it, maybe because a big part of his OCD was centered around his same sex sexual orientation.

    Like I said, my guess may be wrong, but I am not posting this to KC only, but to any member who may be reading, struggling perhaps with the topic of sexual orientation, not yet being at peace with it.

    anita

     

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