Hey Dave!

the first step is always to not over think. i know it’s super frustrating, i struggle with things like that too. even when im around my best friends, people who i could not possibly be more comfortable with, i sometimes draw a blank on being able to carry a conversation. whenever that happens i always find its because im too inside my own head (either thinking about what others of thinking of me, or obsessing over the fact that i can’t think of anything to say). not sure if that’s the same for you.

everyone is different so certain things might work for some people and not for others, but i found doing meditation to balance my chakras helped a lot (you can find SO many guided meditations on youtube). especially the throat chakra (for carrying conversation), the heart chakra (for higher levels of love and happiness, which automatically makes me more talkative).

Also, relax. its easier said than done, but try not to think “this is so frustrating, why am i always drawing a blank!!” because those thoughts block out most other thoughts.

i hope the could help a little 🙂

Jennie

Dave,

When I have found myself in your position, which has been semi-frequently, I discovered it’s because all the stuff that happened to me overwhelmed me, and the emotions gradually started shutting down. I didn’t shut down on purpose. The pain at times had been so deep, I dealt with it as best I could at the time and moved on. But, there was a cumulative effect. Two marriages ended, one deep love ended, my brother murdered his neighbors, my parents and sister died…these are the worst of the things that happened. There are others. After my boyfriend died suddenly of cancer, I nearly walked myself into the fast water on my favorite river, where I’d gone to heal. I forced myself away from the river, went to a couple of spiritual counselors and one of them said, “Fake it until you make it.” She said to start acting the way I wanted to be and that eventually I would bring myself out of it. It gradually worked, is working. It’s been a lifelong learning process.

I’ve been super lonely at times because some of what I’ve been through no one else I could find had been through it – the murders. I became a writer and put the stuff in books now. I have a good life. I found someone who loves me the way I am. I was sitting staring at the river. He was there fishing. The last thing I wanted at the time was a relationship. Long story short we’ve been married for 23 years now. He’s ridden through all my inner growth stuff.

I remember a Paul Harvey Rest of the Story quote: “Never, never never give up, for in the next second things could change and transform your whole life.”

Recently I learned of the death of the guy who was the deep love I mention above. It shocked me that it impacted me so deeply all these years later. I realized I had buried the feelings, even though I thought I had worked them through. I wrote a what-if novel about it – how I would have liked to have things turn out with him. It was very therapeutic. My suggestion is for you to find something that will do that for you. Paint, go fishing, write a journal, walk in the woods, get a dog or a cat, one that is loving an loyal…or? Find a way to thaw yourself out. And most important of all find a way to love and like yourself. As said by the teacher in Catwoman: You have been caged your whole life. By accepting who you are, all that you are, you are free. Freedom is power.”

Suzanna