M,

I can’t give you any wise advise but can tell you that I feel same as you. I have had a LDR and it failed very badly. He just wasn’t the right guy for me and I wasn’t right for him. I also have huge abandonment issues. I just recently met someone who i think is my best friend. I met this man on a trip a month ago and we haven’t stopped talking to each other. We don’t have a relationship but he has become my partner in crime. I can see myself being with this man for the rest of my life. I get so scared at times because I have been on that road before but what brings me back to present is the fact that its not fair for me to compare this man to any other person in my life who has left. Also, Its not he who is making me happy, its me. I control my feelings.

Meditation for me has been a blessing. Everyday, I spend at least 5 minutes in silence and let my thoughts run around in my head. The thoughts eventually calm down and i am able to focus on me. It is also very helpful that this man listens to me. He hears me clearly. He knows my issues and he yanks me back to the present whenever i wander off. He always reminds me that no matter what happens, he is my friend first.

Trust is not about trusting anyone else. Its about trusting yourself. Trust me, I can’t preach to you because everyday is a struggle but I can tell you that you are on a right path. I reached out to my fellow Tiny Buddha writers about 6 months ago and the transformation i have witnessed because i followed their kind hearted advise is amazing. It takes times and a hell of lot of work but when you begin to trust yourself, the results are beautiful. I hope you believe me.

your fellow struggling sister
S