Hi,

I have a dilemma. One that has been running in my head for the past 5 years. A relationship that started in Oct 2008.
I met a man who is 8 years older than me while working on an overseas project.
Neither of us are from the country we were working in.

We used to have to interact for work. Then one day he sent a message that was not strictly work related.
One thing led to another and we started sending lots of e-mails to each other. He pursued me intensely.
He would also call me on my work phone.

He eventually convinced me to give him my mobile number. So in addition to lots of e-mails at work, came lots of text messages and then hour long phone calls on a next to daily basis.

Always romantic, fun, cheeky. We teased each other, we laughed a lot together, we could talk about anything. We had a really good rapport.

We dated, other things followed (I’m sure you get the drift).

5 months later his contract got terminated prematurely and he was sent back to his country. He asked to be shifted around another team member in order to ”not leave me all alone”, his words.

For months afterwards he e-mailed me incessantly about how angry he was at having his contract terminated. For months he confided in me. He told me he missed me. He told me if I was ever in Paris I should come see him. He told me that he would always find time for me.

He eventually found work in another country and would complain about the work conditions. Nothing is perfect. But once again he said ”you should come see me” and ”you should get a contract over here so then we can have adjoining rooms”.

He has worked in several different countries since but he always told me to keep him up to date with what I was doing and where I was (i.e. which country). He would continue to tell me that I should come visit him.

Something obviously changed and communication became scarcer and scarcer. He claimed to be very, very busy with his work. Skype never seemed to be an option he was willing to explore.

First weeks would pass, then months. We would start talking and everything would be fine but it would always end in an argument. I would call him a coward and he would call me crazy. He was sick of my shit and I was sick of his. I don’t know maybe long distance relationships are like this (especially when one person is working in Africa and the Middle East).

After six months of no communication I sent and e-mail saying that I would be in Paris and it would have been nice to see him.
He replied politely that he was happy for me, that he was sure I’d enjoy myself in the south and that if I was hesitating on my return that I should come see him in Dubai. That was back in September of last year.

I responded and got no reply.

Six months later I see he is checking out my LinkedIn profile. I have had no communication from him, no contact request, nothing. So I take the plunge and send him a contact request. Still no message for two weeks after this. So I once again take the plunge and ask him why he’s checking my profile out. His response ”I was just curious, don’t get any ideas”.

I tell him that considering how we know each there and how long since he communicated I didn’t think it was appropriate for him to be checking out my profile (i.e. my assumption, no communication = it’s over, he’s not interested in me or this relationship anymore). His response ”well you don’t have to be on my contact list”. To which I replied ”I don’t recall forcing you check out my profile”. He once again said he was sick of my shit. He unlinked me.

I have blocked him on all social media and e-mail addresses too.

The problem is, I do love him but I feel like he has jerked me around enough as is. I’ve been loyal and faithful to him. His behavior is incoherent, ambiguous, hot-cold-hot-cold…On the one hand it seems like he truly doesn’t give a shit bit is this just a front or is he taking pleasure in jerking me around?

Cendres SP