Long time anxiety is ruining my life

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Jane 8 months, 1 week ago.

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    Hi all, sorry for my bad english.

    This is the first time I write a topic in this forum, I hope I can get good advices and some relief about my current life situation, or at least, some empathy from anyone that can read and relate to this.

    I have been dealing with anxiety almost since I was a kid. I always knew that there was something different inside me that other kids didn’t have. Since I was very young, I had this feeling of being sad without knowing exactly why, have a lot of trouble with trying new things, etc.

    Well, let me get two the events that got me to seek for help here.

    I have been working for 1 year and two months in my current job. I got this job after I quit  working in a startup with some of my closest friends. At that time I was dealing with extreme anxiety and a little bit of depression, and as you may know, working in a startup is not the best place to work in a stress free environment, so after giving it a lot of thought I decided to leave my friends and take a job in a more stable place, so that is why I accepted the job that I am currently performing.

    Well, since I took the job, I have been dealing with extreme anxiety. The job position has not been anything like my manager said when she first interviewed me. My team is never in the workplace, I have to deal with support for legacy systems, and basically I am the only developer, so I feel alienated and sometimes very alone because I don’t have anyone to talk about work or just chatting about things in life. I must say, not everything is bad in this place, the job is really easy and there is not much pressure on time deadlines, so I could say it’s an easy and stable job, with the drawback of not fulfilling me.

    Ok, after feeling unsatisfied for a couple of months, my friends from my previous startup job contacted me about going back with them, and long story short, I decided to take the job with my friends and quit my current job. I give my two weeks notice last Monday, so this would be my last week on the job.

    This last weekend I experienced a lot of anxiety, having thoughts of regret, thinking on retracting my resignation, picturing the worst scenario possible, I suffered a lot.

    Right now, I am dealing with these regrets thoughts, I want to keep my word, but all these thoughts of despair are killing. I just want to live my life, be happy with the decisions that I make, I am just so sick of feeling depressed, anxious and regretful all the time, life is not worth living in this way.

    Please help, I would appreciate any advice, or word that you could have.



    Dear Cesar:

    Anxiety makes life difficult no matter the job, no matter the life circumstances. Some jobs are better than others but most are imperfect, many grossly imperfect in one way or another, and so, anxiety is a big part of the experience. There is a lot of suffering in anxiety.

    I do hope you feel better very soon.

    What you have tried so far in  your adult life to manage and reduce your anxiety?





    Hi Anita, thanks for writing back.

    Well, I have tried going to therapy since I started having the really bad symptoms of anxiety (difficulty to have proper sleep nights, being stressed and unhappy most of the times, having a really difficult time taking decisions, etc).

    The thing is that as soon as I start feeling myself well again, I just stop going to therapy, thinking that maybe I have overcame my problems and I can continue my life without spending a lot of money on therapy.

    I have also tried other things like reading emotional intelligence books and practicing meditation. All of this has brought some temporal relief to my problems, but again, I just stop doing these things as soon as I feel more stable.

    I am starting to think that this anxiety is going to be with me all of my lifetime, so I wish to find a way to deal with it, instead of trying to fight against it.





    Dear Cesar:

    I wish I could read and reply to you at this point, but I  need to get away from the computer for the next sixteen hours or so. I will read your recent post, and any you may add to it and reply to you when I am back.

    I hope other members answer you as well before I am back.




    Dear Cesar:

    If you stayed in your current job, you’d be anxious. Going back to the start up job, you will be anxious. If you don’t work at all.. you will be anxious. Healing from anxiety is a slow, slow process but it is possible. I am engaged in this healing process myself. It is not a condition that you have to live with for the rest of your life.

    There is no  easy solution and a short term therapy is not enough. You should persist in therapy, maybe take a break here and there but return to  it. The therapy should aim at healing from anxiety, learn tools to regulate your emotions (emotional regulation), practice those tools, get into Mindfulness, get insight into your childhood and process feelings from then, feelings that get activated in your current daily life.

    This is a long term pursuit, don’t quit when you feel better. Most people do and therefore they don’t heal. Whether you engage in the healing process of not, you will experience this anxiety for a long time to  come no matter where you work or if you work.

    Relax best you can, take deep breaths, take long walks in nature, visit a sauna perhaps, let the sun melt away the distress… and keep going. Post here anytime.




    Hello Anita

    Thank you for your your kind words, knowing that other persons in this world understand what I’m going through help me dealing with the feeling of dealing with this by myself.

    I just want to to be happy, I feel that I haven’t been myself for more than 5 years now. It’s a horrible feeling.

    Thanks for your support, I will definitely start doing some changes in my life and keep you posted.



    Dear Cesar:

    You are welcome.

    “I just want to be happy”- a happy, joyful, excited feeling, that cannot be a permanent state of experience. It appears and disappears. If we try to hold on to it, it will disappear sooner than later. We have to be flexible, to allow feelings to appear and disappear, to come and go.

    To be content often, not anxious, not distressed on an ongoing basis, that you can achieve through the persistent practice of tools, such as guided meditation, other Mindfulness practices, regular exercise, effective problem solving, daily routine, and so forth.

    It is not about reading what I wrote above (and the massive literature on the matter), but about the persistent practice of what works.

    I hope you do keep me posted, looking forward to read more from you!



    Celestial Bliss

    Hi Cesar,

    I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Anxiety is a very difficult thing to live with but it can be overcome. Anita has given you some really great advice. To heal you need to continue with your therapies. If you don;t want to keep spending money, then you can engage in other things> Such as what Anita advises. Mindfulness and Guided Meditations would be really great for you as it teaches you how to be in the moment. When we get anxious it because we are worrying about the past and the future and attaching stories and other worries and scenarios that haven’t even happened to them. Calming your mind and placing yourself in the present moment will help immensely. But you do have to stick with them.

    On another note, I also agree that your anxiety stems from childhood. Trauma in our past can be a big factor in stresses and conditions that we deal with today. If you have had this since childhood, it is very possible that this is where it began. And I feel that looking into this would help you truly overcome your anxiety completely. Speak to somebody about your past and childhood and see what they can pick up. Also try some Guided Meditations on healing your “Inner Child”.


    I wish you all the best





    Do you know when it started? Maybe you can find the root of your anxiety and fix it. If you’re still anxious in a place where you thought you would not feel anxious, then the cause of your anxiety must lie within you.

    Once I acted on anxiety and almost ruined my whole career. Using your situation for example, I ran back to my friends at my other job to feel less anxious but then I missed up on a great opportunity that would have benefited me in the future, and that gave me even more anxiety.

    I was so upset with myself. How am I so anxious that I would let it ruin my life? Isn’t it just a feeling?  I kept on passively dealing with my anxiety until it built up and pushed me into making the wrong decision of choosing my friends over what was best for me –  all because I was anxious and didn’t want to be alone in my own thoughts.

    A friend of mine noticed how I was always in my head and recommended me to counseling. I went and found out that I haven’t been honest with myself on a lot of things, especially with what I wanted. If I had been honest with myself, I would have made the right choice by sticking with the job and not running to my friends. That counseling session made me realize that my anxiety stemmed from me not being real with myself and instead believed all the unrealistic, anxious ideas that were running through my mind.

    My anxiety did not end there though. Some things just sound better in writing. I’m still anxious now and don’t know when it’ll stop but I’m working on it. The counseling did make me feel the least bit better by giving me a place to start. I used to deal with my anxiety by just ignoring it and acting like everything’s fine. I thought if I acted fine I would feel fine, but I just felt worse.  Knowing where my feelings were coming from made them easier to deal with. I hope you’ll find your own place to start too. It won’t be quick but it’ll be good for you.

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