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  • This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by Jo.
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  • #67292
    Dan R
    Participant

    Hi All,

    this is my first time blogging here. After reading some of these posts I like how supportive this community is and its made me feel comfortable to express what’s going on with myself. So thanks for that everybody : )

    Lately I’ve been stressing about trying to connect with people more authentically or better. I am comfortable with meeting people for the first time, and one of the strategies that I use is to ask questions about the other person, because people love to talk about themselves. But then I struggle to connect with the person on how to respond to the questions Ive asked.. i.e relate. Most of the time I just agree with whatever theyre saying and dont really provide my own input about my own experiences or try and relate. I find that I do this with my friends too and even my girlfriend. Sometimes she’ll be talking about she’ll ask me if I’m alright and its because I havent said anything. And when I do speak I usually say something silly or light hearted or agreeing or happy or not based in reality and what happens is people dont take me seriously. But I’m not sure if i ever felt a genuine connection. I also feel like I ask questions a lot and am judgmental. I am just looking for solutions so that I can move on and be happy. : )

    #67301
    Jo
    Participant

    Welcome Dan,

    It probably sounds weird but I feel the same a lot with other people esp regarding making friends. I think one thing I had to realize for me is that there are just some people that I just don’t get along with personality wise. Please don’t think I mean I think I’m better than them, that’s just not of part of who I am but I think about it this way, there are billions of people on this earth, the odds you are going to enjoy spending time with all of them is, I think impossible. I’m not saying I won’t talk and listen to them, Im very friendly but just wouldn’t actively make life long friends with them purely because there likes are not something I would find interesting.

    I’m sure your probably wondering, Why am I saying all this. The main reason is that you said you were stressing about connecting with people/ make friends. One question maybe you could ask yourself, is why you feel the urgent need to make friends. I think society defeintly puts pressure on people to have lots of friends but the reality is, this doesn’t suit every personality especially if your an introvert (personality type). Maybe just for a while work on loving yourself and finding out who you are as a person (what you truly enjoy out of life) and forget about making friends. It’s great to have friends but it’s not an end all situation.

    Another suggestions maybe the people your trying to make friends with, talk with simply don’t interest you in regards to your likes. An example for me is I love nature, animals ect but if I have a conversation with a person who loves gaming, xbox, technology, I will listen and of course be interested but if the conversation is the same topic over and over again I just can’t fake interest, purely because it does not interest me. And there is nothing wrong with this, it just means your personalities are different. Maybe you could join a group that has the same interest as you eg if you love yoga, join a yoga group……… Obviously doesn’t have to be yoga but I hope you understand what I mean.

    I promise I’ll stop talking soon, but one other thing I’ll mention due to personal experience with social anxiety, maybe you find it hard to concentrate on answering because you are constantly thinking they will judge you if you say the wrong thing so you end up agreeing even if you didn’t meant to. Obviously only you will know whats appropriate to your situation but you could always see a good councillor to explore the issue further if you find it is bothering you or interfering with your life.

    Hope it helps and made some sense to you. Good luck with everything 🙂 🙂

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