Megan,

I can certainly understand somewhat how you are feeling. From the what you’ve said, it seems as though you are in highschool right now. I am not trying to demean your feelings or imply that they are any lesser because of your age but I do want to say that you have a very bright future ahead of you and what seems like an eternity of suffering right now will soon feel like a blurr of a memory that happened almost an eternity ago. So rest assured that time heals all. You can however, accelerate your healing and happiness.

I have to ask, was this past relationship an overall very negative and bad experience for you or would you say it was great for the most part? Whichever the answer is, you two undoubtedly had many experiences together and thus had a huge connection. It is hard to severe these kinds of ties in your heart sometimes, it truly is.

Please do not put a time frame on your healing, there is NO one right answer to any question that will perfectly address everybody. You WILL heal and be happy, but when this becomes absolute, nobody knows so stay true to yourself and make intelligent decisions. Hold your head above your heart for now, because you are in a vulnerable position as long as you are hurt.

So in response to “Is it normal even after two months to break down and want to cry for days at a time? Is it normal to want to isolate myself?” :

There is no normal and nobody can answer that time question. It is completely alright for you to isolate yourself sometimes and just be with you, in fact it is very healthy to become comfortable and happy just be being with yourself, because that demonstrates that you truly love yourself and you are all you need to be happy.

I would suggest, as hard as it may be, to take this time to work on yourself and be utterly happy with just being you. I say this because it is so easy to just jump into another relationship after a break up. But is this really genuine? are you really going into this new relationship as a whole person who is happy with herself who doesnt NEED another person, but rather wants to be with him? You should ask yourself this difficult question and answer honestly.

Had I jumped into a new relationship after my breakup more than two months ago, then i would have probably never worked on myself and have come as far as I have now. So beware of just being ‘comfortable’, it is always easier to do than to go off on our own journey ourselves, but it also hinders us sometimes from becoming all that we can be.

Megan, I also occasionally think about my ex girlfriend, ok maybe a little more than “occasionally”, and it makes me feel very nostalgic and weird. I combat this by reminding myself everyday that I am better than that and I am worth way more, I affirm this daily and you should too. That is, use AFFIRMATIONS (look this up, theres some great text on this subject on this site). Keep doing what you are doing right and meeting new people and being friendly and smiling, that is great and you have clearly taken the right steps!

The mind can ONLY concentrate on ONE thing at a time, and YOU can decide what you think about in any given moment. So immerse yourself in your hobbies, music, sports, school (yes, i said it, school! I am assuming youd like to go to university so destroy that math class!).

Lastly, exercise , when you get your blood flowing, you become super happy and optimistic, whenever you get into a slump, do some exercise!

Write down your goals, figure out what you want in life and work towards them, you will be so occupied with bettering yourself that you will not have time to focus on the past! Its all about perspective, you must see this stage of your life, this breakup, as an OPPORTUNITY, an opportunity to do you, and focus on what you want most :), then go out and get it :).

You can do this, and will most certainly get through it and end up better than ever 🙂 .

Don’t hesitate to share any bad days or thoughts that are hurting you, there are tons of great people here who can give you some great insight and help you realize everything is going to be OK (or more accurately, more than ok: great!)

Sincerely,

Singh

Hi Megan,

I’m sorry that you are hurting…but it doesn’t have to be this way.
You said you didn’t want encouraging words, but the cold hard truth…well, you’ve come to the right place!
I deal in reality and sometimes people see me as lacking in empathy or sympathy…but my goal is to help people find a way forward…not feed their victim mentality. As they say…if you want sympathy, talk to your girlfriends!

Having said all that, grief is a real emotion and it can’t be argued away. What can be argued away is the reason for the grief.
That’s what you have to attack. I would ask you…why are you grieving? Did you expect your first relationship to last forever? Are you different from the rest of us, in that most of us have some good relationships, some bad ones and some for life. The chances of you meeting your “soul mate” straight out of the barriers is pretty remote. The reality is, wise people use their early relationships to learn about ourselves and others. We enjoy them while they last and we understand that there’s every chance that we may not be compatible in the long term, and that we might decide to go our separate ways at some time. That’s life.

I think, rather than grieving, you should be so happy that you had the opportunity to have the good times you did and that you learnt the things you did and that you are now in a better place to dodge the hurdles in your next relationship. You should make peace with your ex…a fellow traveller who’s also just trying to navigate life’s pitfalls… and look forward to the next adventure.

If you decide to hold on to the grief and regrets, it’s going to be a fairly painful journey for you.

Now…back to being Mr Nice Guy….I hope everything works out for you….

Steve

Hi Megan, believe me.. you are not alone. Right now, i am going through the same thing as you. He is also my first love. And this breakup had ripped me inside out. It has been 3 months now and i still can’t forgive him. One month after we split, i came to the point of depression and anxiety. Fear of the future…grieve of the past. I lost weights significantly and actually felt ache in my chest, like someone had just punched my chest and left a big hole. I am in my 3rd semester in college and my grades suffered because of my depression. I was so scared of falling deeper and deeper into this sadness. No one understands me (at least that’s what i thought at first). Eventually, i seek help to a psychiatrist and he gave me antidepressant. This works for me.. but i’m still scared that someday i will had a breakdown. No one deserves to feel the same way as i do.. and i hope you cope with this better than i do. Now, i begin to believe in my strength and ignore the voices in my head that said i can’t go on without him. The truth is.. i can.. so can you. Even though i still have a relapse every now and then… it’s better than not fighting at all. Now i still love my ex.. i really do.. but I push myself to move forward and focus in my life. I’m starting to open up to other guy (four actualy), but sadly they’re just either lame or boring. I don’t feel like giving up on my love life… but really… i really can’t imagine there is someone out there better than him… someone that won’t break my heart the way he did. I share this because i want you to know that you are not alone.