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Loss of my pet cat

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  • #410107
    srk
    Participant

    Hi all,

    This is my second time losing a pet cat under similar circumstances. I lost the first one in April of 2021. My cat, 5 months old, succumbed to injuries after stray dogs mauled him. I am feeling a lot of grief and pain the last few days. These feelings are also coupled with guilt – could I have saved or protected him a lot more than I did?

    Even though I am aware of how time can heal this, based on my past experience, I feel like I am always on the receiving end of such incidents as it feels like repetition. These experiences are hindering me from adopting another pet which I really feel like. What if I will go my whole life without having an animal as a companion? What if I adopt another pet to lose them yet again? These thoughts and questions are haunting me.

    My wife is not emotionally attached to animals even though she is okay with having pets in and around the house. She does not understand or empathise with my grief. It is life as usual for her. This is hurting me even more and disconnecting me from her.

    It would really help if any of you could share your opinions and thoughts on this.

    Thank you

    #410113
    anita
    Participant

    Dear srk:

    I am sorry for yet another kitty loss, srk! I went back to your old threads looking for what in those threads may help you in your current situation, placing those things in boldface:

    February 2018: “I have begun journaling my thoughts… I have set aside a diary for this purpose. I have also incorporated a healthy dose of Yoga and brisk walking in my daily routine”.

    March 2018: “I have been doing Yoga and also go out for a jog/walk in the evening. I also play soccer on the weekends.. I have started playing my piano again after a while. I am also taking piano lessons on the internet… I am gardening more than earlier…. I am meditating more than before”.

    April 2021: “The grief has now evolved to gratitude. I feel thankful to my cat for illumining my life, albeit for a short while. Everything around me feels more appreciable than before. I am more patient and calmer while dealing with other living beings. The whole experience has evolved me into a better person. Every once in a while, whenever his memories recur, they are the happier ones”.

    In your recent post, you mentioned being married, something you didn’t mention before: congratulations for getting married! But not all is well in the marriage:  “My wife…  does not understand or empathise with my grief. It is life as usual for her. This is hurting me even more and disconnecting me from her” (Nov 2022)-

    In the past, you shared, in regard to relationships: “I live alone, I am single, introverted, and subject to long hours of isolation as I work/study alone” (Feb 2018), “I am a workaholic who is driven by goals. I never paid a lot of heed to relationships of any kind…  I am feeling this loneliness and emptiness in my heart. I suddenly realised that a lot of ‘friends’ in my life have gone out of my life. It has always been revolving doors. People have come and gone. No one has stayed… I am longing for stability in relationships. I want people to stay in my life. I want to be a part of other people’s lives. I want to open myself up to others. I have had enough of these revolving doors…  I did not mindfully cultivate relationships as I was always running a race. There was ‘no enough time’ for anything” (April 2018), “I am an introvert and do not have any friends. My family members and relatives do not care about me. I do not care about all this. I have accepted all of this” (June 2018).

    My input/ suggestions today: although you no longer live alone (being that you are married), still in some fundamental ways, you’ve been living alone, feeling loneliness and emptiness in your heart (before your latest kitty loss), haven’t you?

    Pay heed to your relationship with your wife. Be part of her life, open yourself up to her. Take your time and mindfully cultivate a relationship with her and make it stable. Be a friend to her and expect her to be a friend to you, care about her and expect her to care about you. Empathize with her griefs, her sorrows and expect her to empathize with yours.

    anita

    #410475
    srk
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for the prompt response.

    The things I adopted during my first kitty’s loss – I am not doing them now. As I am running my own business, I cannot find the time/work-life balance to do those things which helped me before. The hustle and bustle have also led me to disconnect myself from my spouse.

    I know this seems to be like a lame excuse, but I needed the rude awakening of my second kitty’s loss to open my eyes to these issues. I am trying hard to build a routine which encompasses all aspects of my life. But it becomes so hectic at times that I am left thinking about all pending tasks and get frozen. This prevents me from doing these little things which would help me in my personal life.

    Can you please suggest anything that I need to do here?

    #410485
    anita
    Participant

    Dear srk:

    You are welcome.  “I cannot find the time…  a routine which encompasses all aspects of my life. But it becomes so hectic at times that I am left thinking about all pending tasks and get frozen… Can you please suggest anything that I need to do here?“-

    -if possible, reorganize your daily work routine so that it leaves you time for self-care and for your marriage. An example (may not be relevant to your particular business): customers call you all day long with requests and complaints or whatnot. Let them know that you are available for their calls from 9 am to 12 pm, and not after, so if they miss the 12 pm deadline, they will have to wait for the next day to call you.

    If possible, delegate tasks to other people, so that certain tasks are off your plate.

    Every day, let’s say at 3 pm, list all pending tasks, then highlight those that absolutely need to be done by 5 pm. Leave the rest to the next day. Next morning, highlight the tasks that need to be done by 12 pm, and leave the rest to a 3 pm evaluation (listing, prioritizing and highlighting of tasks).

    When you find yourself feeling frozen by pending tasks, close your eyes for a moment, imagine basking under a pleasant, warm sun (if it’s a cold day) or soaking into cool ocean water (if it’s a hot day) while taking a slow breath in and slowly letting it out.

    anita
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    #410915
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, srk?

    anita

    #410983
    srk
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I am doing okay. I am trying to follow the steps suggested by you. I am trying to say no to a lot of work as I am having enough on my plate already. I am yet to socialise and connect with my family and friends as you suggested – but I will be taking steps in that regard.

    #411008
    anita
    Participant

    Dear srk:

    it is good to read that you are doing okay and I hope that over time, you will be doing even better. As far as socializing and connecting with family and friends: be selective in regard to who you choose to connect to and socialize with because some people will add unnecessary stress to your plate, and others will take stress off your plate.

    anita

    #411392
    srk
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for the sage advice. I will keep this in mind going forward.

    #411394
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, srk. Post again anytime you want to post.

    anita

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