Forum Replies Created
August 2, 2021 at 5:21 am #383933
The other participants in this thread have already given some wonderful insights into overcoming your current predicament. I do not know how I may add to it but will give it a try nonetheless.
It is clear ‘B’ emotionally abused you for a long time at every given opportunity. He also physically assaulted you on a couple of occasions. Imagine investing more time and energy in that relationship, getting married, having kids, and then facing a similar situation that you are facing now! You would’ve been more devastated than you are right now. By moving away from him, you have just saved yourself from a lifetime of abuse. So consider it as a blessing!
You will need time to heal, to move on from this whole episode. You need to first grieve and then heal at your own pace! You can not hasten it.
Having said this, how can you build yourself a better future? I would suggest you focus on yourself first. Engage in empowering activities like volunteering, acquiring new skills, building new hobbies, etc. Build enough emotional quotient wherein you are less dependent on others to fulfill your social needs. And let go of expectations. I believe that having high expectations from others result in disappointment and pain, sooner or later.
I sincerely hope the above pointers help you! Take care!
ShrvApril 16, 2021 at 6:18 pm #377895
That seems like a good idea. I will do that!
srkApril 16, 2021 at 4:37 am #377845
I am feeling a little better now. The worst of the grief has subsided. My mind and soul has come to terms with it. The grief has now evolved to gratitude. I feel thankful to my cat for illumining my life, albeit for a short while. Everything around me feels more appreciable than before. I am more patient and calmer while dealing with other living beings. The whole experience has evolved me into a better person.
Every once in a while, whenever his memories recur, they are the happier ones.
srkApril 6, 2021 at 4:54 pm #377299
Okay. I will give it a try.
srkApril 6, 2021 at 8:17 am #377280
I agree with you. Maybe that’s the reason I have more affinity towards animals than with other human beings.
There are times, when I am overwhelmed by his memories. The memories come in waves. The place where he used to sleep, his antics, his cries for food, etc. I become dysfunctional during those times and tear up, hoping he comes back. I am too scared to let go of his memories, because somewhere I feel it would be disloyal to him.
I guess there’s no specific timeframes to recover from these sort of episodes.
srkApril 5, 2021 at 11:44 pm #377264
I read most of the comments on that article on hoping for.com. The comments are truly heart wrenching.
Few of the things I concluded after reading those comments are that every pet owner is trying to give his/her best to their pet. Everybody on there loved their pets unconditionally. But sometimes things just didn’t work out. Sometimes our best is not enough.
Our pets always deserve better. I just hope every pet that has ever crossed over, has found bliss in another world.
srkApril 5, 2021 at 8:56 am #377231
Thanks for sharing these links. I will read those articles and get back to you!
srkApril 5, 2021 at 1:27 am #377221
Yes, I can completely relate to what you have suggested.
When those scenes keep replaying in my mind, I ask “what if?” or “if only”. There was about 10 minutes of time between me carrying him indoors and him passing away. Why didn’t I take a different action in that ensuing time? I ask myself why didn’t I foresee it?
Also, I am angry at fate or the Universe or any higher power there is, for having cut short his young and innocent life in such a cruel manner.
srkJune 4, 2018 at 5:14 am #210637
I had totally abstained from watching pornography for the last 3 months or so. It really felt great.
But a few days back I came across an elderly seer. Accidentally. By looking at my face and my palm, he spoke about my past. He was scarily accurate! He also accurately spoke about my nature and personality. I was stunned!
He then started speaking about my future. He went on to say that there are good chances of me becoming a celibate/monk. That I wouldn’t have a wife or kids. That I wouldn’t succeed in relationships.
I am hardly surprised by this. I am an introvert and do not have any friends. My family members and relatives do not care about me. I do not care about all this. I have accepted all of this.
But what seems to be affecting me is that this has resulted in an increased urge to watch porn. I have viewed porn a couple of times already in a span of few days. There is an increased sense of loneliness and despair.
What should I do?
ThanksApril 13, 2018 at 9:15 am #202225
Hi The Bard,
I can relate myself a lot with this post. I do not have any friends or any meaningful relationships whatsoever. I tried cultivating friendships but they would all go cold. After sometime I stopped trying. I feel lonely and forlorn all the time. Nobody really cares or looks out for me. Not even my relatives and family members. I being an introvert does not help either. Like you I am sober most of the time.
Let me share with you a few things that I do. I hope it will help you. I have stopped keeping lofty expectations from people. I do not try to make any relationship go down a particular path, allowing it to take its course, even if it runs its course. I try taking things one day at a time. No matter what comes out of a relationship, good or bad, I do not judge it. I just become aware of my feelings, physical and emotional, and stay on it for a while. I do not suppress or express it, I just observe. It subsides after a while. Unlike before, I smile at people. I try to enjoy the small talk. Nothing too deep or elaborate. Just a little chat. For a short while. Since I am an introvert, this intimidates me sometimes. But I still give it a shot.
Besides, this is a downside to our generation. People are glued to their smartphones all the time. Technology and apps have taken over our lives. Nobody hardly wants personal relationships. You are not alone out there. Most of us feel this way. I have felt the way you feel for most part of my life.April 3, 2018 at 7:13 pm #200759
Thanks Mark. That was a nice article. It has given me fresh insight 🙂
Jaclyn, its true that I did not mindfully cultivate relationships as I was always running a race. There was “no enough time” for anything. I was on a hamster wheel. And yes now I am paying attention and have acknowledged the problem. I want to resolve this but I am being very patient with things. Its also true what you said. There is no point in beating myself up over the past. Its never too late to start trying something new. Everyday is the first day of the rest of our lives.
Thanks 🙂April 3, 2018 at 8:07 am #200699
Thanks for the advice. I will try this and see how it goes.
ThanksApril 3, 2018 at 7:43 am #200689
So the first thing I need to do is try getting to know people by making conversations but without attaching myself too much to the outcome. Isn’t that right?
ThanksApril 3, 2018 at 7:15 am #200679
You have made a very good observation. It does have a different perspective. But what is the point you are trying to drive home? That it is okay for me to live the way I am living right now? That I need to embrace things as is? Not try to build relationships in my life? Could you please elaborate on this?
ThanksApril 3, 2018 at 6:41 am #200673
I would travel a lot more, have a group of friends who would be supportive and nurturing, do some adventures and sports and music- that would be it.