Hello everyone,

I’ve been contemplating for a long time if I should write here and here goes!

I was recently broken up with about 2 weeks ago. Basically, my life is in a complete mess right now. I’m trying to get my shit together, I’ve been struggling with the job search for more than a year now. I’ve refined my strategy, started applying to more roles, I’m not even super fixated pursuing my dream job, I just want a job at this stage so I can live my life and move forward.

I would say the relationship ended due to a combination of reasons and in my opinion, my unemployment really affected my mentality, my thoughts, my emotions a lot. I started to behave very needily. My whole world slowly revolved around my partner and I would try very hard to keep things from falling apart and i think that did more harm than good. I understand that the most important thing I should do right now is to secure a job and focus on myself before I can even think about getting back together with her.

Just yesterday, I received 2 rejections on the same day after my final round of interviews — both of which I had very very high hopes for and at least 1 I thought went super well. I’m absolutely devastated as I was really looking forward to a new chapter in my life and moving forward, focusing on something else that can distract me from the breakup, and help with healing. But alas, it didn’t work out. And I was extremely sad, I cried and I started to have negative thoughts like “I can see why my ex left me now”, “She made the right choice to leave me”. I know these thoughts are wrong and unhealthy, I struggled to fight them.

At this stage, I’ve spent the past 36 hours feeling sorry about it and I’m starting to feel slightly better. But it’s really hard to stay positive and keep going on. I want to write this post and hopefully in a few months time i can come back and comment something positive, a positive outcome.

Everyone is telling me “this too will pass”, “this is temporary”. But yea i’ve heard that so many times and whatever is happening before me is saying otherwise. And because of my current state, I feel like I have nothing left to hold onto and it really makes me want to say some thing extremely needy to my ex and hope everything goes back to normal but I know that’s highly unlikely to happen and I will probably regret doing that.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, i don’t know what i want to hear from a stranger. I don’t know if hearing any words of encouragement can help me. I’m trying my best to keep moving forward, keep applying for jobs, keep doing better the next time. I don’t know what more I can do. Maybe I’m looking for advice or what more i can do, because I’m growing tired trusting the process and waiting for the universe to be kind to me.