Dear stefficat11:

You mentioned having been very sick physically in your twenties, “coming through a serious physical illness”, and you wrote: “I was in an emotionally abusive relationship which almost destroyed me…I’ve had a number of toxic and abusive friendships as well in the past few years”, now you are 37, depressed for the last three years, in therapy.

You mentioned your depression: “Lost hope for my life…too late to achieve… old…(lacking) energy and enthusiasm… nothing to look forward to… (not) trying new things”.

This is what I believed happened  based on your very short post: you trusted all people and a few betrayed  your trust: “I used to  be  someone who always saw the good in everyone... it’s all left  me feeling very mistrustful of  people.. isolating  myself”.

That someone who “used to be someone who always saw the good in everyone” is every one  of us, every human born on the face of the earth. All young children trust blindly. And then that trust is betrayed. How early in life is the person’s trust betrayed, by whom, how terribly.. this is different for different individuals, but it happens to us all.

Before the trust  is broken we are hopeful and joyful, full of energy and enthusiasm, looking forward to the next thing, the next moment, eager  to try new things, to explore..present in the here-and-now, primarily living life instead  of thinking about life.

After the  trust is broken, well, you know what happens then.

As the  social animals that we are, we are very  sensitive to our social relationships, beginning and most  acutely as young children. Much of our brain itself is formed in the context  of our early relationship  with our primary caretaker.

When  that  first relationship is  harmful to  us, when we are  betrayed then, often we don’t  lose all hope. Youth is a powerful thing, it keeps generating hope, keeps fueling us, and we come out of depression, hoping  this is a new page in life, and that is a new chapter, there  is hope in this and in that. Over time, with another failed relationship and yet another, be it romantic or otherwise, that youthful fuel gets depleted.

I would like to communicate more with  you if you find  my  input  useful, and so,  will be awaiting your reply and further sharing.

anita