I thought I had my life sorted about a year ago when I was accepted onto a teacher training course in London. I’d been working abroad teaching English for a few years after leaving university and had done a few other internships in the arts, and for the most part I was enjoying life and feeling positive about moving back to the UK. I had a difficult time during my teenage years (my mum committed suicide and I was a target for homophobic bullying at school) but I felt like I’d put all that behind me.

Well fast forward to me starting my teacher training. I’d really enjoyed the course I attended over summer but when it came to teaching in school everyday I quickly became very anxious over managing student behaviour and work load (I was working in a tough inner city school and I’d never really anticipated how stressful it’d be). A month or so later being in the classroom felt like torture and I had a series of panic attacks at work. I took my holiday time to think about whether to continue or not and I finally decided to give it a go again, but soon after I went back I was having the same problems. My mood started spiralling out of control and even passing a school student in the street made me feel nervous.

So I dropped out of my course, went to my GP, was put on a course of anti-depressants and followed a self help cbt course to try and tackle my anxiety. I found another job teaching English language to international students after a month or so and I remain there now, but the salary barely covers my bills every month and I still often feel quite anxious at work. I feel so lost, with no real idea about what career I should go for, and am obsessively worrying about money and the random job applications I continue to send off. I’ve tried to start my hobbies again (writing, yoga, meditation, playing music) but I am struggling to find the point to it all and have no energy left after exhausting days at work in my new job and having to teach privately after hours to provide extra income.

It’s been nearly six months since I left my course now and at the age of 26 I feel very behind. Finding a new path in the midst of all this is proving really difficult, but I’m trying. My boyfriend is a lawyer and compared to him I feel like such a failure. I’m just hoping I manage to find a job that pays the bills better so I can concentrate on my interests and recover my spark. I’ve had about four interviews for things connected to education over the past few months but I’ve not succeeded in getting anything better yet. I’ve seized control of my life in the past when I’ve been down and depressed before, but it’s never taken this long. I’m worried that I’ve seriously screwed up this time. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Any advice in finding my way again? Thank you guys!