Lost in the past

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    Hi there, I have been trying so hard to forget my BF who I finished with as he could not give me a date for when we could start to have kids. I am 41! I regret it now as I feel so empty and lost as I made my whole life about him. Then I ended it as I could not handle waiting for him to be ready. He knew I wanted kids, after 2 years he said he was not ready due to his career etc.
    I just don’t know how to re-route myself. It has been 4 months now. I have tried to quick fix my recover with a new BF but I can’t be bothered even. I am mooching along trying my best but I am very scared thsi feeling will never go. I have even given advice on here to others in the same position.

    I think i need to change my life, have an overhaul but I do nto know where to begin. I know I have to take it day by day but I want huge change NOW, to avoid these feelings I think. This is my usual pattern. I got in a relationship with him as I wanted a family. I put everything into that relationship. I feel drained at the thought of doign it all again.

    I am working, walking the dog, seeing friends… and it is all OK, but I am so scared that this is it.
    I cant make the same mistake again. I just dont know how I will ever meet someone like him again.

    I have tried to get him back even, but he will now come back. He think I may want kids as this is what society expects of me. I have wanted kids since I can remember, but I have never met a guy with the same confidence in it.
    I cannot do anythign now I knwo but continue to carry on… any wise words would be really helpful… maybe… please


    This may sound insensitive but I hope you’re not confusing your instinctive urges of finding a partner and procreating with what you really want in life. It’s not to say that these two things don’t sometimes combine but your desperation to want children and your statement of ‘wanting kids for as long as you remember’ implies that you only wish to procreate and are acting on your instincts. If you’re fully convinced that there is absolutely no greater cause and no truer passion aside from having a family then I can only suggest a dating site or adoption. And no, that is not meant as a joke.

    As far as healing goes, unless you allow yourself to broaden your views and horizons your thoughts will continue to dwell on the matter. I’m sorry if this isn’t much help to you.


    To thine own self be true


    I do not just want child. I want a family. A man with a job and stability is what I should heve chosen. He was not in this position. However he is lovely and I miss him. I could not cope with him not wanting to make babies when I wanted them. I did the right thing. from your response you dont understand. I have the right yo make a family with the right man and it will happen. I will stick by my deep belief that I deserve the right man who wants the same as me. Thanks. I will not be defeated. I did do the right thing. I just need to give myself a break ! I just feel sad about the immediate loss .

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