I am 30 year old lesbian woman and proud of all my accomplishments in life, I’m a person who always finishes what I start and setting new goals for myself to keep myself busy. 4 years ago I re-connected with a woman ( I’ll call her Hart) and she knew of my sexual orientation, she had friends that were gay and lesbian. She talked about being with another woman all the time but said to me 5 years ago when we first started talking and told her I was a lesbian, she said ” Wow, I never would of thought that about you, I would be afraid what my family would think of me.” I told her my family accepts me and loves me, it’s no big deal. I assumed she was surprised because I am an attractive femme lesbian that doesn’t look butch. Anyway she left to pursue another job and then she returned almost a year later in my life and she pursued me hard. I was already dating someone else (female firefighter) but shared with her that the firefighter woman I was dating wasn’t loyal and that I am 100% loyal and seeking the same in a relationship, so it wasn’t going to work for me in the future with this woman. She gave me advice to leave the firefighter I was dating ect. Meanwhile I had noticed changes in Hart when she returned, she was pursuing me hard for 6 months, was actually communicating with me all the time so I finally gave in after 6 months.

January 2011 began and I felt that Hart had proved herself that she had changed by communicating with me like never before, being affectionate and loving, going out of her way to talk to me at work ( we worked at a club ) very easy going place might I add. We began our love affair/relationship at work, we fell in love, we touched each other sexually at random times, I’d kiss her, we would hug a lot, talk a lot, smile at each other a lot. I’d give her one compliment like ” Hello my beautiful princess!” and she was over the moon, glowing, smiling, her attitude shifted rather quickly into a happy and bubbly woman when I was around. Our relationship was mostly at the club where it was hidden and safe from the public and her family. She had asked me twice to have a housewarming party for the new home I just re-located to and when I gave her an invitation and planned it like she had asked me to many times, she had an excuse and I knew she was lying bc I knew she wasn’t comfortable with her sexuality in the real world. I never said that to her but I knew her well to know her patterns/lame excuses. I was disappointed but I already knew why she didn’t want to come, she’s not comfortable with her sexuality and I wanted her to get comfortable with that in her own time. Anyway, things were great up until I added her sister in law who i used to work with on Facebook and her 1 of her sisters and she was okay with it at first and then changed her mind 4 days later saying: ” I’m not comfortable with you being friends with my family on Facebook, if you respect me like you say you do, you will un-friend them.” Keep in mind Hart has no Facebook page/profile, she’s mostly introverted with people but not with her family.

I let it go but it put a dent into our relationship because she was hiding me from them. A month later june 2011 my dad committed suicide and my entire world changed. Hart lacked emotional support and she decided to up on move to Texas 2 months later, she didn’t even tell me anything no goodbye nothing. I had to find this out from co-workers that she moved to Texas to live with her brother. Nothing tore me apart more then her leaving without a goodbye and I was already suffering the loss of a parent. It was as if 2 people died within a matter of months, it was the most horrible emotional trauma I had ever been through. knowing where she was, I felt it was best to leave her alone to let herself find out what she wanted out of life, whether it was me or something/someone else. My mom said ” If you love her, let her go. ” and I did. After 1 year had past, I contacted her brother who was very nice to me but was angry at Hart bc I guess she had lived with him for 1 year and didn’t work the entire time. That all didn’t matter to me. I needed closure, I loved and respected myself enough to conquer my fears in contacting her to ask her what had happened and why she left without a goodbye. Since then 3 years have gone by and she’s just acted weird. She doesn’t like to communicate, she blames me for everything when all I’ve tried to do was save what we had for so many years that we built together. I know hiding her sexual identity isn’t healthy and yes I paid a heavy price for that but nobody has a right to play the victim here, we both chose to take this journey together and unfortunately she let fear over-rule than letting our LOVE conquer the fears. Hart and I had beautiful relationship, I lover her so very much and told that I would marry her one day when we were together, of course she smiled big and she just glowed.

The past 3 years her and I have been in and out of contact, she’s moved many times to different states which I assume it’s her just trying to find herself and her identity eventually. Over the summer things didn’t end so well, I found out she was lying to her family about me and our relationship together. She told them that she barely knew me and made up a bunch of horrible lies about me. I guess that’s what a woman who’s in the closet does when she doesn’t want anyone to know her sexual orientation and is afraid to lose her entire family because of that, all this according to friends of mine who are psychologists. The lies just tore me apart but the only thing I could do was just disappear out of her life forever and wish her well. She’s embarrassed of me and herself. Lies & lack of communication on her part, is what ended our 4 year run. Her moving around so much with family members didn’t help things either but at the same time I travel the world for work anyway so it didn’t bother me but it appears she has no stability. Maybe one day she will come out of the closet and be happy and live the life she deserves and had always wanted. I will say that I love her very much and that I always will love her. I don’t know what the future holds as far as anything romantic, as I haven’t been with anyone else or loved anyone else like I did her, since 2011. I would still marry Hart in a second if things ever worked out.

You know how funny life is, it’s full of all these crazy surprises so anything amazing can happen at any given time. I am a happy girl who stays busy and is always giving back to my community. I call it; Random acts of kindness.

Here is my favorite quote and the quality of my actions I have lived by for the past 7 years – ” From my point of view all things originate with the mind. The quality of our actions depends on our motivation. A real appreciation of humanity, compassion, and love are crucial to this. Whether we work in science, agriculture, or politics, if we’re good hearted about it, our contribution will be positive.” Dalai Lama – 98.2K Likes on Facebook from this quote.

Please note: My story written above has a lot more details and information that is just so much for all the years that have gone by, that I had to cut it rather short. Love to hear your stories & comments.