Loving Again?

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This topic has 17 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by Lea.

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November 1, 2017 at 11:47 am #176079

Eliana
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Hi Lea,

It seems we get all get caught up in a vicious cycle of punishing ourselves for past events that we no longer have control over. We can’t worry about it, because it won’t change anything, we just learn from it, accept that we are all human with faults, that the person we were with at the time also had their own issues and faults, and everything happens for a reason. When we live inside our head and keep thinking in terms of “if only” “should have” “could have” “what if I would have” we are just tormenting ourselves with thoughts that are not realistic. People move on, and grow. God has something better in store for you. Doors will be opened for you for a better future. Just live one day at a time, and in the present. When you start thinking about the past or negative thoughts, close your eyes and visualise a “stop sign” this will halt your thinking and distract you, because we can’t visualize a road “stop sign” and past events at the same time.

Listen to some relaxing music, volunteer with animals, join a book club, take a bubble bath, go to Barnes and Noble, get a cup of hot cocoa or espresso and immerse yourself in a good book. Just do whatever it is to be good to yourself. Focus on something you have something to look forward to. Keep us posted. x

November 3, 2017 at 3:16 am #176351
Poppyxo
Participant
No Problem Lea, I hope they come of help.

I notice you said ” I am trying to accept the fact that there’s a possibility of get hurt again, but if the next time happens hopefully I will be a stronger individual.” Please try to remember, that as long as you seed out the “not good for you men” early on, so spotting signals & red flags that don’t sit well with you & that you don’t agree with, the chances of you getting hurt again are very very low. I did this with my current partner & anything that he presented to me that wasn’t in my eyes acceptable, I would bring this up with him & we would sort it out. Although to be fair it was never anything big, if he was texting his ex girlfriend then clearly that is not acceptable & I would walk away from him, but if I felt like he was disrespecting me I would be like look I find that disrespectful because… & we would talk about it, he would understand, & we’d move forward. From this he would know I value myself & my worth & would be more considerate of me going forward, therefore there is never any reason for him to hurt me. If it’s dealt with accordingly then all is well. There is the chance of course that very randomly out the blue he could go & cheat on me, I can never guarantee that but I can’t sit in anxiety & think about things like that, because they do not help or serve me. But I know if a situation like that should occur I am strong enough to deal with it 🙂

I hope this makes sense?
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Poppyxo.
November 4, 2017 at 11:01 am #176495

Lea
Participant

Thank you so much Eliana for your response, and I also believe everything happens for a reason. You are so right, the should have and could haves we’re playing in my head for so long, but I find that I am slowly but surely escaping that thought pattern. God has the path for me charted out, I may not understand it right now, but everything will come together I know it will. That visualization technique is great! Thank you, I find that my thoughts can stray if I’m not careful. I’ve also been reading a lot and trying to staying the present as much as possible. I have also been distraction by National Write Month, if you’re into writing you should definitely check it out. 🙂 I’m about to start a new job so that has invigorated me, and I’m making plans to travel, and who knows who I will meet along the way…I’m kind of feeling excitement again :-).

That definitely makes sense Poppyxo :-), I know the signs now, it’s up to me to respond to them and make the best choices for myself along the way. I can’t ignore the signs again and I won’t. I want a solid relationship and I think the initial period of meeting someone is definitely vital in spotting those red flags. Yes, we can’t control other peoples actions ( I really had to think about this one for awhile lol) Just our own responses to their actions. I am also reading a book called “The Four Doors”, it’s been eye opening and I’m enjoying the perspectives. I have a tiny book stack forming on my desk now lol. Thank you for giving me awesome relationship goals, I know that I have some work to do before I’m ready for a relationship, but who knows someone might just come out of nowhere haha.
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