I no longer want to post on this forum. I want to explain details I omitted, not on purpose, sometimes I wrote one sentence which presented many days of what happened. I know he wasnt infatuated with me after first date. I now understand why you asked for such details. When we met he didn’t even look at me, I thought he was shy. He said he’s going to watch football match with friends, so he doesn’t have much time (for me – I assumed). He said that right away when I arrived. Sounded like he says that so that I would know it will a short meeting. He was very casual and didn’t look at me like a person who is infatuated, we were just talking about work, people, nothing special. I even got the impression he was bored, so that’s why (and because of this football thing) I decided to leave. And that’s why at home I knew he didn’t like me, I saw that he wasnt that impressed, I just felt it. I was beating myself up that this meeting was boring because of me, and I didn’t try enough, I didn’t look good. Then he texted me he had a great time. I said me too. Then he started texting me (later in the evening and next day) that he loved my smile, and asked what kind of food I like, do I want to go out again, and that he wants to see me again. I believed him instead of trusting my impression. He said that so I believed him. We were texting every day all the time. We were supposed to meet next week but he cancelled saying it’s a work trip. One night he was with friends, and texted me drunk that he was infatuated with me some years go when we met, and remembers one time at the party when we were talking and we were drunk. He said he even remembers what we were talking about, and he really liked me. He said at this party he planned to approach me several times because he was so stressed to talk to me. He said he dreamed of it for many years, and tried to text me of facebook, and ask me out and I didn’t care about him. I found those conversations, he did text me once in 2011 and 2014. He just said hi and asked about something, work, and how I am. I replied once but ignored him later. I said I remember this party and I liked him too but I met someone else at that time. He said he was so happy we finally met and that he „wants to be mine”. He also said one more things „I want to be with you, but it’s not that easy, I wish it was easier, I want to be yours but  I can’t now. I will explain it to you in person”. He never explained it to me, and I never asked. He was drunk when he was texting me this so I asked him next day about it. He said it was all true and he preferred to tell me all this in person.  He continued texting me things like „How am I going to survive this whole week without you, I miss you, I want to be yours etc.’ I replied saying things like „It’s cute or it’s nice, I want to see you too”. I was more reserved but kind of tried to sound nice. Next time we were supposed to meet he texted me he has a hangover. I knew he was drinking a lot, the texted me very often he is out with friends, or he is drinking. He asked if we can reschedule to later this. I said okay, we can meet two hours later. Then he texted me can we meet later at 6pm. I said okay. I’m shopping now so it’s fine. Then he said maybe how about 9 pm because he wants to sleep, he’s tired etc. I knew it was weird, I knew he drinks a lot, and cancels second time. But he said he cares and he is infatuated with me, I know how it sounds, but he talked so much about feelings for me I was confused but I thought, Okay he says he cares, things happen, he went drinking, could happen to anyone.. I’ll give him a chance. But when we finally met he still didn’t act like he cares that much. We sat in the bar, he ordered something, we talked and then he said how about we go for a stroll and go home then. I was surprised but I knew he wasnt feeling well so I agreed. When we were walking he told me about how he has his own place because he bought it, that he has a new car, and no one from his friends can afford it, and how he will have a daughter and she will be the most beautiful girl in the world.. I asked him why did he come if he’s not feeling well, we could have cancelled. He said „No, I cared too much. I cared a lot meet you, I couldnt cancel because you’re too important’. I guess that was one of missing detail. Still there are some, I never lied on purpose I just sometimes was not feeling okay when I was writing here, getting panic attacks most of the time, feeling anxiety. Most of the time I was writing at night not feeling well. I am sorry. If that helps, I will feel better,  anyway I will no longer bother you here, just wanted to explain because I don’t feel good with this situation. I don’t want you to think bad of me. If you still do, I am sorry.