So I write this five months after splitting up from my ex Chloe. I’m now in a new relationship yet I feel I’m struggling to move on.

Chloe and I have been going out on and off for 8 years. We shared the same sense of humour, the same interests and generally got on like a house on fire. She was my best friend and we moved in together around 12 months after we started going out. The only snag with Chloe was that unlike previous girlfriends, Chloe was unadventurous in the bedroom, had a low sex drive, and sometimes sex just seemed like a great big chore to her.

We (well I) spent ages trying to talk about and fix this together but progress wasn’t great. Chloe was perfectly happy with how things were so in her mind, why the need to change? Despite a generally great relationship in other areas, the sex situation dragged on and as a result I spent many long night feeling rejected, hurt, undesired and wondering how it was possible to be going out with the funniest, prettiest girl in the world but being such a bad fit in the bedroom department. I was monogamous throughout the relationship but the lack of sex, and Chloe’s lack of desire to find any solution really started to affect me.

There were a few hiccups in the relationship over the next coupe of years. I sustained a serious injury meaning that for around nine months I couldn’t rock climb – something that we normally did together. I also had a new business I’d recently started which demanded a lot of time. So Chloe and I started drifting apart a little, she didn’t seem very sympathetic to my injury and she was spending increasing amount of time with her friends, joined a new climbing club and went on holiday to the Alps with them a couple of times without me (no point in me going if I couldn’t climb). Me I was concentrating on the business and on my physiotherapy in a desperate attempt to get better.

In the meantime, Chloe was receiving a lot of attention from some of the guys at her work and also the guys in the new climbing club she’d joined. Although nothing ever happened, I know that she had received plenty of offers and I felt jealous and vulnerable. Yet being injured I was limited in what I could say or do to address the situation without sounding like a jealous loser. My injury prevented me from being the strong, unafraid of anything climber I’d always been. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was no longer a better climber than Chloe and she’d progressed so much in the time I’d had off from the sport.

Chloe seemed to be getting increasingly distant. It wasn’t long before she told me she wanted to move to the Alps where she by now had friends and the opportunities to climb in her time off were much greater. I sensed that things were not working out and I was fed up with the crumbs of a sex life on offer. We tried to talk it through but it never got anywhere so eventually agreed to split up. It was a mostly mutual decision although Chloe was the one to make the final decision. Chloe moved out the next week and over to the Alps very shortly afterwards.

Chloe and I agreed to keep in touch as friends and soon afterwards I started dating other women here in the UK on a fairly casual basis – although deep down I think I was looking for someone with Chloe’s qualities but without the low sex drive. To say I had a good time was an understatement, but I never dated anyone with whom I gelled on a deeper level.

Throughout the time that Chloe was in the Alps we kept in regular contact. We saw each other occasionally as friends – either I would go out there or she would come here. After a while, Chloe had heard from a friend that I was dating again and knowing this, she asked if we wanted to give it another go. Chloe and I had remained close though and I still really fancied her so we chatted about it and agreed that if she moved back over here to the UK, then we’d give it a go. We chatted also about the sex issue and she agreed to work on this which I was happier about.

It would take Chloe a few months for her work contract to finish in the Alps and as time progressed I started to feel the pressure building with regards to her moving back here. Half of me was very excited to soon have her back, but the other half was reluctant to give up my new found freedoms. Chloe would be moving in with me again. I wondered if we could actually overcome the huge differences in sex drive that had been an issue for me in the past, and I wondered whether she was finally agreeing to work on this not because of her desire to do so, but because it was an issue for me? I felt a little guilty making her move back for me, but she insisted she wanted to move back anyway.

And then BOOM< a big issue. Before Chloe had confirmed a final date to move back I met someone else in the UK I really liked (Sarah). There wasn’t a plan to meet anyone, it happened on a climbing weekend away with mutual friends. Yet I knew within a few hours of meeting Sarah that we were good together, she shared the same interests and we just got on. Sarah was different to all the other girls I’d been seeing casually and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind.

One thing lead to another, I couldn’t help myself and I started seeing Sarah. Sarah is even better looking than Chloe, a little younger, a lot better in bed with a high sex drive, kinder, and we have more in common. I enjoy being around her, even if we were just sat quietly, saying nothing. So I now had two girls I cared deeply for, Chloe who was planning to return from the Alps and now Sarah. Help,I knew I was not behaving honourably and this was never the plan!

For two months I battled in my own mind which way to go. Friends must have been sick of me talking about it. I realised that I had to let one of them go as it wasn’t fair on anyone to keep this going. So whom do I choose, the new relationship with Sarah or to have Chloe move back to the UK?

I was under considerable pressure to make a decision. I still had doubts on whether I could live with Chloe’s lack of sex drive. I wasn’t sure whether it was fair for me to commit to having Chloe ditch her life in the Alps to return to the UK for me when I was now having doubts. I also wanted the opportunity to see where it went with Sarah as I really thought it had potential.

Decision reluctantly made meant that I had to let Chloe down. Chloe had sensed that something was wrong and she was devastated. I told her that I just didn’t want the responsibility of her coming back to the UK for me with some of our issues unresolved. I felt terribly guilty and I felt really sad that I’d hurt her, someone I still cared for so much. Regardless Chloe left the door open and said if I changed my mind, I knew where she was. Chloe didn’t know about Sarah.

So I ceased contact with Chloe and another couple of months on and I’m working hard to adjust to being in a committed monogamous relationship once more. So far it’s going really well. Sarah is really keen. Sarah has met my family and friends and they all like her.

The problem is though that despite things going really well with Sarah, I’m still having thoughts about Chloe. I miss Chloe terribly and even though we’ve broken up I miss the friendship part of the relationship deeply. There’s lots of places I go (some with Sarah now with me) that remind me of Chloe and I sometimes visiting those places I remember the good times and feel so sad that Chloe and I are not still in touch. Even though we’ve split up I still care for Chloe deeply and I think about her a lot.

I miss going to see Chloe in the Alps, I miss Chloe’s dog whom I’d grown attached to, and I miss the joint friends Chloe and I had built up in the Alps on my trips out there. I am frequently questioning whether I have made the right decision. I feel sad that I’ve hurt Chloe, that I’ve caused her pain and I have occasional thoughts about whether I should just jump on a plane, go over to the Alps to see Chloe and tell her that everything is going to be okay and that I want her back.

Thinking logically, on paper, Sarah has far more going for her. I’m worried that these constant thoughts about Chloe are affecting my new relationship with Sarah. I’ve not said anything to Sarah, and can’t if I expect things to work for us. I know that things were far from perfect with Chloe so I don’t understand why on earth am I still pining after her?

I can’t seem to let Chloe go. I try to put her to the back of my mind but I still miss her, still feel guilty for hurting her, and I feel that this is starting to compromise my new relationship with Sarah.

Help, I’ve no idea what to do so thought I’d ask on here to try and get an objective opinion on the situation.

Edd