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Maintaining balance for the future

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #248705

    TJ
    Participant

    Short Version: I’ve been in a horrible spot for the last year or so and been finally making attempts to chance everything, yet, I’m still feeling nervous about the change and feel that I’ll fall back into my bad habits.

    Long Version: I’ve been living with at home since 2015, when I moved back from a job my Dad got me to a part-time gig I got at a bookstore while working out life, songs and put out my record, get a band and music career going. Unfortunately, the job took over and the live band fizzled out. I started only recording and working, but found it increasingly difficult to maintain a balance between money and music. To make this worse, my Dad was never fond of me working at the bookstore AND making me horribly uncomfortable about my music. There are many moments where he would come into he garage and say don’t sing that song, you’re not hitting the notes, or forget about that you can’t do that or maybe you should just be an audio engineer. He’s in the music business and pushed me to be an engineer, which I hate. I was so stressed out, I couldn’t enjoy playing and canned the band to just focus on writing and working. He also works with kids my age who want to be songwriters/musicians and I feel he supports them more than me. He’s played in their bands and advocated for them to labels, while I’m busting my ass on my own writing, recording, mixing, booking gigs, promoting, editing videos, artwork, and booking mastering… trying to get anyone to work with me with out ripping me off (has happened a billion times) I’m also paying this out of my own pocket while his people are getting investors.

    Our the last year, I got my latest batch of tunes mastered before losing steam. They haven’t been released for fear of not being noticed as my own person. The last record people assumed my dad had his fingerprints on it, when in actuality he only helped with some of the vocals and a few parts here and there. This new one, I recorded and engineered everything myself in my house. I’ve been working full-time since March of this year with little to no music in my life.

    He doesn’t listen to what I want and always  has been trying to dictate my life. Drunkenly, he’s said that he never wants me to worry about anything including a job and who I date, he’s projecting his unresolved issues on me and now that I’m 28, I’ve had enough. He’s disregard to my feelings are intolerable, I’ve recently turned down a project, and the next weekend he asks me again if i want to do it. This was after I told him I never wanted to be an engineer and that he wanted me to be an engineer.

    I have some musician/artist friends in NJ (I’m from mid-hudson valley) and they’ve been telling me to move down where the live local music scene is thriving. A few days later I found a job online and landed an interview. They offered me the job, but I can’t move until Christmas is over and we don’t need a full crew at the store.

    The issue: I’m kind of nervous that with my past experiences that I’ll burn out and get nothing done. I haven’t written in two years and only played one show all of 2018. I don’t feel like myself, and I need to be happy and look forward to the future. My days off have been spent reading and I can’t bring myself to write or create.

     

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  tinybuddha.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  TJ.
    #260361

    anita
    Participant

    Dear TJ:

    It is a  shame  that your father supports strangers in their music endeavors but not his son. It doesn’t surprise me though because I have witnessed parents  being  kind to strangers but  not to their own children.

    Writing  music, singing, creating  music and  making a living doing that,  it  is  a tough endeavor, tough business.

    If  I was you, I would separate the  two: father and  music. He is not helping you. You are on your own. I would   move out when it  becomes  possible and have  nothing to do  with him for a while, a few years at least. Something about separating from your father will allow you to move  on by yourself as an independent person and  a self determined  musician.

    anita

     

    #261515

    TJ
    Participant

    Hi Antia, Thank you for your kind words and suggestions.

    I wished so much he’d just be a Dad. My parents don’t even see that I’m depressed. I thought going to a gastroenterologist and having an endoscopy would get them to see, but they’re clearly not getting it and i guess that’s the way it its.

    I’m hoping to move to NJ, but I had to decline the new job and stuck for the month of December because of being short staffed. I should have been more proactive and looking sooner in September or October where I would have more leniency, but I wasn’t. I’m hoping the position remains open once January hits so  I can fully relocate. Once this happens, I am paying off my car in full to my parents and cutting financial ties.

    #262289

    anita
    Participant

    Dear TJ:

    Good  idea to  cut ties.

    “My parents don’t  even see  that  I’m depressed. I thought going to  a  gastroenterologist and  having an endoscopy would  get them to see, but they’re not getting it“.

    No wonder your parents/ your father doesn’t get your music. He doesn’t see  (and hear) you, your depression or your music. When a child/ adult child is not seen or heard  by parents, it kills the  child’s  motivation to create/ to be seen and  heard, so no wonder you didn’t write music in two years, played only one show and  you wrote, “I can’t bring myself to write or create”.

    In the context of living with your parents, you are  not  likely at all to  become  motivated to create.

    It takes motivation and talent and  lots of practice, persistent ongoing practice. It  will  not be easy away from your parents, but quite impossible living with them.

    I understand  your financial considerations regarding  moving. Post again anytime.

    anita

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