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Making similar mistakes expecting different outcomes

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  • #101035
    emotionalyze
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can understand why you didn’t think he was a bad man. I’ve never said he was. I said he had flawed morals like a bunch of other people in the world (think of the people who go around on the internet telling others to kill themselves just to “troll” them), but that was talking from the experience I had with him. He could have been a lot worse, but he wasn’t a class act gentleman either. He’d often test my patience and make me uncomfortable. He admitted to lying to me so he could be in control. He never apologized for anything he had done. he said he loved me and that was a lie, as he would later confess. He wanted me to quit school and move in with him, again, to be in control. He admitted he lied about being interested in a serious relationship. He said all he wanted to do was to use me, plain and simple. I know that’s the intention of a lot of guys, but why did he have to parade all of that if it wasn’t to make me feel awful about myself? Why did he have to stoop so low and mock my feelings, just as though he took pride in misleading me and making a fool of me? He was being utterly obnoxious about it. At least he admitted he was lying, which was the only good thing to do at that point, and I’ll give him that. but he still has questionable morals for lying to me to get my attention and wasting my time in the first place.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by emotionalyze.
    #101039
    emotionalyze
    Participant

    Also, I really really may have projected some of my anger onto him in a couple of our discussions. I’m really not sure, I feel like I’m not yet qualified to differentiate. I’m speaking from the way I remember I felt in a couple of our fights. I’m not sure if I reacted correctly, but on the other hand I under-reacted many times as well. It all depended on my mental state, I guess.
    One of the good things I remember very well feeling as a consequence of this relationship (?) was feeling accepted, feeling enough and not falty, not hopeless. It was a very soothing feeling, like a breath of fresh air. Of course, that would only happen rarely.

    #101168
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear emotionalyze:

    The reason I don’t know anything about him being abusive to you, this guy online is the following: you wrote that he said that he wanted to use you. Maybe you were pushing him, and hard, accusing him of wanting to use you until he said to you in anger: “Yes! yes! I wanted to use you all along. Here, satisfied? You get your way!”

    Maybe you accused him again and again of lying to you, and maybe he didn’t lie to you, but he got so sick and tired of being accused that he said: “Yes, I lied to you. I said this and I didn’t mean it. Here , you got your way again. I am a user and a liar!”

    I don’t know the conversations, the exchange between you and him, the context in which he said that he wanted to use you and that he lied to you. So I don’t know.

    It is my guess that at first, with this online guy, you were sweet and passive and enjoying his every good word. Then the suspicion and anger raised its head and you started throwing accusations at him, testing his statements, looking for lies.

    You have lots of hurt in you for having been neglected and mistreated and for still, to this very day, not being seen and acknowledged by your parents, mother particularly. This hurt, unacknowledged by your own self, denied, clouds your thinking, is what I believe.

    anita

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