March 10, 2018 at 6:48 pm #196687musician16Participant
People would definitely judge me if they knew I
– come home and watch lots of Netflix instead of reading/doing yoga/practicing my instrument like I used to
– completely stopped going to therapy despite pressing anxiety and depression
– am still not over my ex that cheated on me despite not talking to him for a year. I think about home every day and feel like I can’t move on and date
– didn’t get out of bed until 4 pm todayMarch 10, 2018 at 7:33 pm #196697JakeParticipant
It sounds like you are judging yourself…
Seems like all four items are tied to each other – depression.
What kind of therapy are you seeing?March 11, 2018 at 6:40 am #196725anitaParticipant
Glad you posted today and thank you for sharing your March 10 challenge. I wonder why you stopped going to therapy, wonder if the therapy was not helping, if the therapist was not good enough… I wonder what your anxiety and depression are about, if it is more than about your ex who cheated on you. I wonder, and hope you reply here or on the other thread you started today.
I ask not to judge (the topic of the challenge) but to learn about what motivates you, what troubles you and what could possibly help you.
anitaMarch 11, 2018 at 5:23 pm #196777musician16Participant
Thanks for your reply. I had been seeing a therapist, particularly when I was going through suicidal ideation. That’s gone now, but I also didn’t feel like I clicked with the therapist. I’d have anxiety over every appointment. A lot of my issues stem from being severely bullied in school and overly caring about what other people think. I am normally a very driven individual, but recently took a job as a band director in a very rural area. As a musician, it has started to kill my musical soul because there are no performance opportunities. The end of my long term relationship left me feeling abandoned and like something was wrong with me. So, I feel like a lot of people would judge me for seemingly giving up even though I’m young.March 12, 2018 at 7:55 am #196839anitaParticipant
It is natural for us, as social animals, to care about what other people think about us. We are born to care. And some of it makes sense in the context of your human lives: for example, it makes sense for an employee to care about what the employer thinks, for the purpose of keeping the job. But it doesn’t make sense to care about what any person thinks, people who can’t hurt you or are very unlikely to hurt you and people who can’t help you. Looking to be thought well of by anyone and everyone is an impossible task and useless too.
You wrote that you were severely bullied in school. If you would like to share more about it, please do. If you do, I will reply and it may help both of us understand life better, if only by a bit.