Dear Stuart:

You read to me like a decent person. I say so because you take responsibility (although way more than you own), not blaming her, suggesting she is evil (as some people do following breakups). You were not abusive to her and passive aggressive behaviors as in “blaming her for small things”  is understandable in the context of the relationship. Your anger had to be expressed somehow- you are human, not a saint.

Not that I suggest that acting passive aggressively is a good thing in a relationship. It is not, but no one can be passive all the time. We all feel angry sometimes, impossible not to. Without honest, effective communication, and without moving out… your anger understandably expressed itself somehow.

Reads to me that she was a troubled woman and maybe she expected you to fix her and got angry at you when you were unable to do so (an impossible aim).

Glad your health is okay now. I do hope you meet in the future, when you are ready, a woman who… doesn’t need that much fixing, a woman who takes responsibility for her mental health and who tries to help you as much as you try to help her, that is be a team with you, at team of two.

And I hope that in counseling, you will do your part in operating like a team- learn to behave assertively (the only healthy way to express anger, a necessary skill for a healthy, loving relationship).

anita

Dear Stuart:

You are welcome.  I hope other members will reply to your last post as well. As a matter of fact, you can start a thread with a title such as: “How to be happy alone?” so to get others’ attention to the input you are looking for.

If your question is how to be happy alone all the time- I don’t think it is possible because we are social animals. We are born to need other people. I need a balance of alone-time and time with others. I think everyone does.

I am sure you tried all kind of ways to feel good when you are alone. Some of these ways worked for you at any one time. You can make  list of those ways, figure if there are significant negative consequences to those ways, and if not, use this list as a guidance list for when you feel sad and alone. Looking at the list you can choose one way and try it. If it doesn’t work, you can choose another.

anita

You are welcome, Stuart. I will let others answer your new thread (I have no other suggestion other than the above). Best wishes to you!

anita