Dear Faith:

Your faith, your religion is very important to you, more important than your ex boyfriend. You did the right thing if indeed your higher value is your faith, your religion. It still hurts and you are lonely for a partner, aren’t you? Is there someone in your church who can counsel you? Help you through the sadness, the loss of this relationship, read bible verses with you, verses that apply to your situation? Turn to your faith and family… and share here more if you would like, your thoughts, your feelings. I will be back at the computer in 9 hours or so and will respond then.

Take care of yourself in this time of sadness.

anita

Faith,
I can’t tell you tell you how to cope with heartache. Everyone does it differently. I take long hikes in nature and ponder situations until they make sense. For example…I finally confronted my mom about a question that had festered inside me for nearly 50 years. I guess it took so long because I was afraid of what the answer might be. However, one day I asked her if she ever loved my dad and she told me it was none of my business. I beg to differ as it became the business of offspring the day she decided to conceive. Her answer told me indirectly the answer. That weekend I spent a day hiking alone and came upon a log of a tree fallen and rotting. I sat there for a while and got my answer there. My mom was always confrontational. I decided that this situation had an answer in that fallen log. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a diseased tree to save the forest. Some things you can’t change. You have to accept it and move on.

As to religion, I guess I’m different than most. The relationship between God and myself is strictly between God and myself. I don’t let pre-packaged religion dictate what will or will not be. So I don’t pretend to give any advice there.

I can tell you that I have been married now 20 years and with same person even longer. We were best friends before we ever got married. We helped each other to attain each other’s dreams. You have to be willing to cross out of your comfort zone into each other’s worlds and be truly interested in the ground you are traversing. If you can’t, then it is all for not. My wife is still my best friend besides being my wife. We can argue, but, we also have the strong bond we developed early to transcend arguments. We developed a strong trust to know that no matter what, we have each other’s back. And, by extension, there isn’t a situation that we can’t deal with together.

Take a hard look at the real reasons that you two split. If the reasons stand up to logic (not emotion) then maybe it’s best that you went separate ways. Will religion define your significant other or will you? The answers are different for everybody. Only you can come to these answers. When you come to these answers then you will know what is important to you and will help the next time you meet someone.

Right now you are missing what might have been. Might haves aren’t worth a dime. Answer some of the hard questions and move forward with life knowing that the picture of what you need is a clearer one than it used to be. Your heart will mend and be stronger than it was. But, it only becomes stronger by taking the “lessons learned”.

This is just a guy’s perspective. Hope it helped a little.

Phil