Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I don’t know you in real life, but I am concerned about you nonetheless. I re-read your previous thread from a month ago. You wrote back in August that you were “in a Deep Black hole”, living back at home, a home that is far from being a calm, safe place for you.

You wrote: “I’ve been in a constant battel of trying to keep my head above water as well as  others, because if I don’t give my all, they tell me that I’m selfish“- now I am thinking that by “others” you were referring to your mother (“She been on the edge for years and I’ve have been doing anything in my power to help her”), and perhaps your sister.. and your father (?). And even though you have given them your all, they still claim that you are selfish ??

You shared that you lived in London for a while, in London “For the first time in my life I started feeling like a normal person”, but back living with your abnormal home, you were “back to Square one”.

“I’m absolutely terrified. How do you help someone who doesn’t think they need help?”- please help someone who does think she need help, and that is you. Don’t drown in your mother’s misery; get yourself out of the misery she has created for you (No matter how miserable she feels, she should contain her misery so to not burden and drown you in it, it is selfish of her to do otherwise!).

Please feel free to post here anytime and I will reply to you every time you do. I hope you feel better very soon, and find a way to move out again, and this time, for good!

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

You are welcome. You wrote in our original post that your mother has “been on the edge for years”, so I didn’t think that she was “the rock in our family.. the one who is always there and keeps us going”.

“I think the best for me to do is to focus on helping out with the daily chores and give (your mother) Space”- reads reasonable to me.

“(Your father)  is now in charge of dealing with my sister, so to leave me and my mom out of it”- excellent choice there. I hope he manages your sister well.

* I was wondering, what kind of brain damage does your sister suffer from?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

About your sister, 35, you shared that she “doesn’t look brain damaged, and she’s incredibly smart”. She became ill when she was 11, and at one point, “She was screaming from pain sometimes up to 20 hours a day”. For seven years (11-18), she did not receive the medical help she needed because “no one believed us. They thought she was just a teenager who wanted attention”. At 18 she had a back surgery because she suffered from scoliosis (a condition in which a person’s spine has a sideway curve) and received antibiotics for it. It was then that it was determined that she also suffered from Encephalitis, which is an inflammation of the brain. Five years ago, at 30, she suffered a concussion when falling after she passed out, one of the many times she passed out because of pain. That concussion damaged her brain further and she stayed in the house for two years, following that concussion.

About your father, you shared that (while your sister was screaming from pain up to 20 hours a day, while she often passed out and had a painful back surgery, and even though “she nearly died several times”), he didn’t think it was that bad: “My dad doesn’t think it’s that bad, he’s never been able to realise how bad things were… he thinks everything is fine”.

About your mother, you shared that she has been “the rock in our family.. the one who is always there and keeps us going. Not just emotionally but financially… anytime we need help, she’s there”, that she suffered from “untreated trauma”, that she needed help for 20 years, but refuses to get it, and two days ago, she had “a complete mental breakdown” consisting of “crying all day and refusing to talk”. You were “terrified that she would end up hurting herself”.

About you, 30, you shared that you “have struggled with severe anxiety, depression and stress starting at the age of 7, which is the time your sister became sick with Encephalitis (not diagnosed at the time). In addition to your sister’s illness, you also “experienced bullying, physical and mental abuse, emotional blackmail and gaslighting”. And yet, in spite of all this, you “worked so hard for years and years” and were able to live abroad, in London, having the best job you’ve ever had, amazing colleagues, friends, your own place and some romance.

According to american brain society. org/ brain disorders/ encephalitis, “Up to 60% of all cases of encephalitis go undiagnosed… cases go unreported because symptoms are mild or non-existent.

My thoughts today, your family’s story of misfortune is almost unbelievable, and I am so sorry that this has been your story so far. All this misfortune- your sister being born with scoliosis that later required surgery, suffering from encephalitis as well, which went untreated for years, and which caused brain damage, aggravated by a concussion; your father not being helpful financially or emotionally; your mother having suffered a previous, untreated trauma before the beginning of her older daughter’s health problems, and you suffering not only from your family’s misfortunes but also from “bullying, physical and mental abuse, emotional blackmail, and gaslighting”- I wish this was not your story, and I am sorry that it has been, so far.

Was the bullying, the physical and mental abuse, the emotional blackmail and gaslighting, did you suffer these things in the context of your family, and/ or in other contexts, such as in school, in the neighborhood, in romantic relationships…?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I am sorry, Katrine, that this has been your life experience. None of the painful experiences you shared about was your fault, none was your doing. You were a victim of cruelty by grandmother, by the school bullies, the two teachers,  and that boss. And you were a victim of circumstances: your sister being sick, your father not being supportive enough, your mother being overly burdened with responsibilities.

It is amazing that in these circumstances you were top of your class, and later, you got the second highest grade, and that you did so well in London.

I don’t expect you to tell me the name of your native country, for the sake of anonymity, so I am not asking for the name. What I am trying to understand is all that bullying and cruelty that you experienced in your country- it is often when a country suffers from poor economy/ poverty, war and/ or civil unrest for many years, that so many people are aggressive to each other. Is this the case?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I don’t understand. If you live in a wealthy country, with a “great healthcare system”, how is the following possible, regarding your sister: “She was screaming from pain sometimes up to 20 hours a day”-

– how can it be that she didn’t have access to pain medication, at the least?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

You wrote that your sister “survived only because one doctor realised that she had scoliosis. She had it really bad and everyone of our friends and family were able to notice it. We didn’t realise it before someone told us”-

You wrote here that your family “were able to notice” your sister’s scoliosis, and that your family “didn’t realise ” that your sister suffered from scoliosis- this is a contradiction, either they noticed or they didn’t notice.

Scoliosis is “a condition characterized by sideways curvature of the spine or back bone”. If your sister had scoliosis, and she had it “really bad”, it is not possible that doctor after doctor did not notice a really bad scoliosis.

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

From what I understand you and your sister suffer from scoliosis. Your scoliosis is milder than hers. Her scoliosis caused her to lean to one side and to have one leg shorter than the other, and that was noticeable to doctors as well as to family. Because of her scoliosis, she had a back surgery and 4 discs were removed from her spinal column.

Your sister, having been diagnosed with scoliosis, was never diagnosed with encephalitis, and therefore was never treated for it. You suspect that she suffered from encephalitis following a viral infection when she was 11, and that her untreated encephalitis caused her brain damage. You suspect that it was medical malpractice responsible for your sister to not being diagnosed with encephalitis.

You believe that your sister is brain damaged but no doctor has verified that, if I understand correctly.

Did I understand correctly?

anita